Monday, December 29, 2008

No More Room at the Top


So, Mullen's out and in his place starting next season is Steve Addazio. Coach Meyer named Addazio our new offensive coordinator yesterday. Addazio, formerly the Gators' offensive line coach, was also an offensive coordinator at Indiana and worked with Meyer at Notre Dame as the offensive line, tight ends, and special teams coach. Addazio was also a member of the 2006 National Championship coaching staff.

Before working at Notre Dame, Addazio served on the staff at Syracuse University for four seasons (95-98). The Orange won three-straight Big East crowns went bowling 4 times during Addazio's time there.

He was a four-year starter at Central Connecticut State from 1978-81. Addazio earned tryouts with the NFL’s New England Patriots, USFL’s Jacksonville Bulls and CFL’s Ottawa Roughriders.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas.


Merry Christmas! It's that time of year when I'm Catholic for a day. Otherwise I'm a forsaken, atheistic godless bastard all the other 364 days.

Hope your holiday went well, soon it's back to work at MGN.

The day approaches.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Debose is De-Nasty



So I watched the State Class 6-A Championship last night on Sun Sports and I have only one thing to say: Andre Debose is nasty. Rivals.com reports that Debose is torn between LSU and UF, but rumors are that he might be favoring LSU, that is, he might not have the grades to get into UF.

It's a shame, because he is a human highlight reel and would be showcased nicely in a spread offense. I don't know for what position he is being recruited in LSU, but there are manifold positions he could fill at UF. Percy's leaving, you know.

Anyone with information on this please come forward. 

Let It Snow.


Always remember that whenever the chips are down, life could've been worse: You could've not been a Gator and instead had to settle for hunting poon like the one featured in this video.

Some favorite lines:

"I thought it was going to be a 'poof' and it was a fucking whole hallway." - Yeah, I had a girl think that once, then next she knew, she was covered in baby batter. Despite the tears, I think she liked it.

"Alpha Chi hates me." - Yes, Elise, they likely do. You haven't one redeeming quality which I can easily discern. You're un-hot, which means you're not allowed to perpetrate any pranks of any kind unless they are followed immediately by some rabid-dog-like fellatio. 

"So many people do bad things" - Yes, tis true, people do. And if you're listed on "The Faithful" to the right of the main page of MGN, then chances are you do several grams of bad things every weekend. But, again, if you were hot then you can do all the bad things you want with no fear of paying fines or of others passing judgment. And, of course, by "do" I mean blow, and by "bad things" I mean my johnson.

"Maybe I'll just sweep, I'll sweep the floors." - It all comes down to whether you'd look good sweeping. If you don't, which in this case, Elise, you wouldn't, you're fucked. I would however, let you sweep the floor with that horrid sweater you're wearing while bellowing "I love Gator cock" aloud.

"I'll do whatever it takes to be an Alpha Chi." - You would, Panama Red, and you will. If by anything you mean "anyone" then you've spoken like a true college freshman, and somewhere out there is a proud father. 

"Stop video-ing." Not a verb, and no, I won't stop, unless you're hot and/or rabid-dog-fellatio (see discussion, rabid dog, supra).

Go Greek.
Go Gators.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Timbow 4:13



Nemo Me Impune Lacessit

The way this year's Heisman trophy was determined conveyed much doubt in Timbow. But if history teaches is to teach us anything, it is that the Timbow is at his best when he is doubted the most. Paul Horning, Billy Simms, and now Tim Tebow are the only players in the 74 year history of the Bronze Stiff Armer Trophy to win more first place votes than the actual winner. Al Gore did it in 2000, but that was only a presidential election. This is college football. This is serious business. One does not deny to the best the designation of the best, not without consequences. The Timbow is the best player in college football, arguably the best all time. Sam Bradford's trophy is, for lack of more respectful words, a fucking fraud.

Out of the 904 total ballots, 154 did not have Timbow's name.

Understand what that means.

It means that there were 154 voters who didn't think Timbow was even one of the top three players in college football. It means that for the second time in Heisman history, the candidate with the most first place votes finished 3rd. It means that if you think that bias was not in play or are unable to extract your head from your ass and instead think it was a close race, or every player is so equally deserving, or whatever other untenable, truth-deflecting bullshit I've heard put forth to justify the nationally-televised robbery of Timbow's trophy, then consider that Timbow received only 184 points total in the southwest (compare Bradford's 360 and McCoy's 313). It means the Heisman is the most farcical popularity contest since prom court elections. It means, most importantly, Timbow lost. It means there will be hell to pay, and the Timbow is coming to collect.

It means that now, the Timbow seeks redemption. Now, to prove He is the best, He must annihilate the best. Now, Timbow is motivated, post-Ole-Miss-lead-us-out-of-the-valley-of-the-shadow-of-death-motivated. Now, blood must be spilled so that honor may be restored. Now, the mighty Timbow will seek to exact His righteous vengeance. Now, the Timbow will walk this path, a path beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyrannies of evil voters.

Soon there will be a reckoning, a reckoning from which no voter, no analyst, no one can save the Laters. For soon the great day of His wrath will come and only those in the orange and blue will be able to stand. For soon, the Timbow will strike down upon them with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to steal and destroy the Timbow's glory. And the Laters will know his name is the Timbow when He lays His vengeance upon them.

Maybe he'll find some lost children in the process.

Go Shepherd the Weak.
Go Gators.

Add Another to the List: Marsalis Teague

The Gators have landed Marsalis Teague, a three-star recruit from Tennessee. Teague is 5'10", 170 lbs, and runs a 4.5 40. He played QB his junior year but has the athletic ability to play defensive back or wide receiver. Teague ran for 1530 yards and 16 td's... as a quarterback.

If all that's not enough, Teague also has a perfect 4.0 GPA and a 21 ACT score (I don't know, is that good?). I was listening to the GatorCountry.com radio show earlier today and Brady asked Teague if he'll now turn his attention to attracting other recruits to the University of Florida, to which Teague quickly and keenly replied, "Most definitely." 

Go Brains and Brawn.
Go Gators.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Will TIM TEBOW be a good NFL QB?



The short answer is: I don't know. This has been a hot topic as of late and I think it's worth taking some time to delve deeply into the issue to provide some concrete analysis for and against Tim's viability as an NFL QB.

I have heard many self-anointed NFL draft gurus (Mel Kiper, Todd McShay etc.) discuss the matter recently and I am utterly amazed at the certainty with which they dismiss Tim's NFL prospects. Lets run through the pros and cons for Tebow:

PROs:

Very Athletic. Tebow has revolutionized the QB position, set the SEC single season rushing TD record, has the all time rushing TD record at Florida (broke Emmit Smith's record, not too shabby) and has been called by many the best short yardage running back in college football. Enough said here, no need to overstate the obvious.

Playmaker. Tebow is probably better than any QB in the country at making something out of nothing. He is incredibly difficult to sack/tackle and is truly artful at getting outside of the pocket and making plays both with his feet and his arm.

Intangibles (i.e., leadership). See the Alabama game and you tell me if there's a better leader in the country. The guy is not afraid to get in anyone's face (Brandon Spikes included) and challenge them to raise their level of play. His characther is second to none. Tim's work ethic is notorious and is as much a part of his legend as anything else. Loved that story that came out stating that while in high school (i.e. before he enrolled) he was at the UF training facility and asked Urban Meyer what the leg press record was at Florida and summarily proceeded to break it right then and there in the middle of the night (think about all the defensive and offensive lineman, linebackers etc. that ever played at Florida and this kid, a QB none the less, while still in high school was strong and determined enough to keep pushing until he had the record). 

He was also listed as second on the team on the bench press last year (i.e. out of all the players on the team, he could rep 225lbs on the bench press more than all but one other player). He also was an absolute monster in the circle of death drills. For those of you who don't know, during practice Meyer will call out 2 players, stop all practice and form a cirlce with the entire team watching as the two players attempt to drive each other out of the circle by any means necessary (think high impact collisions and hand to hand combat combined with greco roman wrestling). 

All these events allow him to lead unlike a traditional QB. QBs usually lead b/c of the position they play and are respected but in a different manner than Tebow. Tebow is respected not just as a QB but as a Football player...his toughness, grit and work ethic are what allow someone like Brandon Spikes to take instruction from Tebow.

Durability. At 6'3 240lbs after 3 years in the SEC carrying the load (and often the entire team) Tebow has proven that he can take a pounding and be counted on to play in every game.

CONs (alleged):

Slow Delivery. This infuriates me. So somebody decided that they didn't like his delivery motion and this single factor has been referenced ad nauseam to justify his inability succeed at the next level. What does this mean anyway? Lets say that the average delivery time (i.e. amount of time required once the mind has decided to make a throw for the arm to follow through) is .3 seconds and Tebow's is .4 -- is this really a deal braker? What, some corner is going to get a jump his routes and pick off balls that he otherwise wouldn't get if Tebow's release was one tenth of a second faster? I recall Elway having an elongated throwing motion and he did just fine. Also, it's something he can work on. The kid is 21 years old after all. Besides, he's been in the top 5 in the country in passing efficiency rating for the last 2 years (i.e. he's been one of if not the best "passer" in the country over the last two years, again, this has nothing to do with his running ability, we are talking about his QB rating).

Runs the Spread Offense. OK, this seems valid on some level. No team in the NFL runs the spread. But then again, they said it wouldn't work in the SEC when Urban brought it over and clearly it has. Teams in the NFL are now running the wildcat, maybe it's the next evolutionary step in the NFL Game? Is that really such a crazy concept? At one point teams only ran the wishbone remember? The Spread is all about isolating your best players in space and trying to find mismatches. Yes, the defensive personnel in the NFL is elite but so is the offensive personnel. You're going to tell me that it's a bad idea to get Adrian Peterson or Percy Harvin matched up against a linebacker in space? That's all the Spread is trying to do. Also, even if it doesn't work at the end of the day football is football, it's about passing and running with the football and just because Tebow has done this undery one system in a certain way while in college doesn't mean he couldn't adapt to a pro set.  

Operates solely out of the shotgun, doesn't take snaps from under center. This one really irks me also. So Tebow is incapable of taking a snap from under center along with a 3 or 5 step drop before passing the ball? Please, we are talking about one of the best athlete's ever at the position...trust me, he can take a god damn snap from under center and walk back 6 feet. Lets just stop bringing this up as an issue, seriously, it's absolute lunacy. I will drop kick the next person who brings this up a la Shawn Michaels a.k.a the Heartbreak Kid.

Arm Strength. Some question Tebow's arm strength. I don't know -- some of those lasers he was zooming in the Alabama game certainly pass the eye test for me. I really don't think this is much of an issue. Does he throw a pretty spiral? No. Does he have an arm like Matthew Stafford? No, no one does. But the real question is does he need that to succeed in the NFL. Absolutely not. Think Montana, Manning, Brady....not particuarly blessed with cannons...would anybody say they were not good QBs? There is so much more to the position than sheer arm strength (starting with making good decisions). Point in fact, look at the Florida/Georgia game this year, Stafford threw more pics in that game than Tebow has all season. Tebow's arm is strong enough to make every NFL throw and he has some very nice touch on the ball when needed (in fact, I would say he throws one of the better deep balls in the country).

Accuracy. Hello?!?!?! The guy completes nearly 70% of his passes and does not throw interceptions. That is the sheer definition of accurate. Sure he doesn't make every throw but who does?

Frankly, I think his passing ability is overlooked because he is such a superior athlete. It's easy to overlook how good of a passer he is when he is doing things rushing the ball that have never been done at the position. Do I think he can have similar success running the ball in the NFL? Clearly not. But do I think it will still be an asset to have Tim Tebow on 3rd and 3 when you need to pick up a tough 3 yards to get a first down? Absolutely. My overarching theme here is that I don't know whether Timmy is going to be a good NFL QB...it's the most difficult position to project...but I certainly wouldn't categorically dismiss his ability to succeed in the NFL outright. Mel "the Klown" Kiper projecting Tebow to play H-back or Tight End in the NFL is simply insulting. It would be a travesty if somebody as accomplished as Tebow doesn't get at least an opportunity to prove himself at Quarterback in the NFL. For god's sake look at some of the stiffs starting in the league today. 

As always, his likelihood of success will depend more on the type of system he falls into and what the surrounding circumstances are with that particular team (i.e. does he have to learn a new offense every year b/c the team is bringing in a new offensive coordinator, does he go to a team with a good o-line and with solid playmakers or does he end up in somewhere like Detroit where virtually anyone is destined to fall flat on his face)? The point is it's simply irresponsible to dismiss Timbow's ability to be an NFL QB and any so called "expert" who does so has his head up his ass.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

3-Deeeeeeeeeeez Nuts

For those of you who are communists and will not steal, pillage, or rape for BCS tickets you may still be able to experience the blood, sweat, and victory tears in a pseudo-Michael Jackson Epcot mid 90’s style way.

3ality Digital said Tuesday it had won the contract to shoot the Jan. 8 BCS National Championship game in 3-D.


The game between Florida and Oklahoma will be broadcast live in 3-D to 80 to 100 movie theaters in about 30 U.S. cities. Tickets are expected to cost $18 to $22. A tad bit cheaper than the average BCS ticket of $650.00


But FUCK that…..buy the damn ticket. They are getting cheaper.



Go break the bank

Go Gators

Game on

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Manic Mulling Over Mullen Over.

The Mullen Mania is now over. Gainesville.com reports that Dan Mullen will coach the BCS National Championship Game. 

It is unclear if Mullen will be calling all the plays, but I assume he is. Indeed, what's his value if not to scheme and call plays? I'm glad that this is resolved though. No one on the Gator staff has mentioned whether Mullen was to coach or was to have the door hit him on the ass on his way to Mississippi State. Meyer only said that Mullen's inclusion will better the Gators' chances of winning. We can now put this, our only, issue finally to rest.

Mullen is leaving, just not yet, so stop crying, Jota, everything is gonna be irie.

7 Not So Lucky.

It is with great regret that I inform you that Brandon Spikes will not be able to tear DeMarco Murray's legs off and beat him with 'em. Look! His little legs are shaking! General Spikes will be relegated to decapitating the Okee and his other minions. This is because Murray will miss the BCS National Championship Game due to a partially-torn hamstring. Murray will have surgery to repair the tear (that rhymed).

Naturally, for the Gators, Murray will not be missed. The Gators' kick coverage team is God-awful and we're a bit shallow and suspect at tackle. Murray accounted for 65.4 % of the laters' kick return yards and over 30% of their rushing offense. So, we got that going for us, which is nice.

That said, I smell a predicate for justifying an eventual failure-- that is, I think this will be used as an excuse for the laters' loss. To be the game's Most Outstanding Player, The Okee should be able to win without Murray. At least, Timbow can without Percy (e.g. FSU; Bama). 

I'd rather Murray played and be shut down than have surgery and be conspicuously missing. 


Go schadenfreude.
Go look it up.
Go Gators.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Mullen Gets Blinged!

Mullen


If you can hear me over the Jota's joyous celebratory man-noises, Mullen is not calling the plays for this upcoming bowling match. 

ESPN reports that the Timbow has said that it is unlikely that Mullen will call plays for the National Championship. A side note, I will be capitalizing the words "National Championship" and not abbreviating as the crackberry crackheads do because it's just too damn fun to write out. Try it. It's fun. 

ESPN is using Timbow as their source. Neither Meyer nor anyone else on the Gator program has said anything. This leads me to believe that Timbow wasn't on message. It's not a big deal, but probably wasn't how the program wanted this information released. The ramifications are negligible if anything at all.

The real question is whether this is bad: Mullen not calling the plays, whatever will we do? Look here, the Timbow is perfectly capable of calling the game hisdamnself. He's been there long enough to call the game. There would be nothing new that Timbow would learn from Mullen. 

Perhaps we lose some game-planning for the "laters" defense (wtf is a sooner anyway?). The most we'd need to know is that they suck, impressively. The laters' defense has allowed 42 touchdowns this season (cf. Gators have allowed 12). I'll be writing more on this later, so be cool, honey bunny.

Go by committee.
Go Gators.

Switcharoo!

In getting Edwin Herbert, the Gators have diminished the vols (a fun, Gator past time), acquired another 4-star recruit, another d-tackle, and another JUCO transfer all in one fell swoop.

Since Fulmer's resigfiring, the vols are hemorrhaging recruits faster than Fulmer snorts krispy kremes. 

The 6-3, 285 lb recruit brings Florida's total class of 2009 commitment count to 14, 10 of which are 4-stars. According to rivals.com, the Gators are now ranked 15th for the class of 2009. 

This is good considering the Gators still have a game to play-- the National Championship. The Gators' 2009 recruiting class was looking pretty thin this year but has been making significant gains recently. Over the weekend, Jelani Jenkins, a five-star stud linebacker and ranked 3 overall (rivals.com), visited the 'Ville and loved it according to his dad who accompanied him. 

I don't know the whole story, but I was told that the Gators don't have that many scholarships left for the 2009 class? Can anyone provide some clarity on this? Anywho, it looks like we're re-upping (which reminds me..) at a fierce pace. 

Go re-up.
Go Gators.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

And I'm back.


So, law school sucks, but the semester's over and I'm back. I probably failed a final, which is fine by me so long as the Gators won. Yet another example of how my own life and its success takes a back seat to the successes of the Gators. Go priorities. But the good news is that I'm back and I'll be posting every day.

Some significant things have occurred in my absence: The Gators are the Southeastern Conference Champions. The Gators will play for the BCS National Championship in a few weeks. Are they ready? Mullen is gone (Cue the Jota clapping). Tebow lost the Heisman with more 1st place votes than everyone al la 2000 Presidential election. Percy will be back. Miami is playing in the Emerald Bowl against Cal (-7). 

Let's start from the top. We're going to the big dance. Thank Timbow, or God, or whatever deity you worship. That was just the kind of game that people wondered whether we could win: A fistfight-- a good, down home SEC, shatter your teeth, concuss your dome-piece, for the blood and glory football game. Fuckin' A.

The Gators were on the ropes several times and came back with more ferocity than the Tide. As the Timbow put it when interviewed by Herbstreit at the Heisman, "When you're backed into a corner what are you gonna do? Turn? Or stand and fight?"  They stood, they fought, they won. 

Next?

They won a trip to the National Championship, a chance to win their 2nd national title in three years. They won an opportunity for their leader, the Timbow, to get his deserved glory back from the Okee (that's Okee, not Okie, cause he's a Cherokee). Timbow doesn't lose twice in row. Judging from his face after the Heisman winner was announced, the Timbow felt like he lost. Timbow does not like these unfamiliar feelings and wont suffer them any longer than he can control. It upsets the natural order of things, which is, Timbow wins, losers lose, and the Earth goes round the Sun. 

As the Timbow said, a lot of good will come from this. 

Let's talk Percy. I have little to no information on his status. I've been tree-huffing and watching the tube all day since finals finished and have only heard that he will play according to some analysts on the NFL channel. Anyone with any news please come forward.

The following is unrelated to the Gators and their bowl game, the BCS National Championship, but fun to discuss nonetheless. The Hurricanes are playing a ranked team in a bowl game-- Ball State. Wait, but Tulsa is playing Ball State. Exactly. The Miami hurricanes aren't allowed to play against a ranked team because of their inferiority. They are, instead, playing in the Emerald Bowl. Vegas predicts the Bears to win by 7 points. I'll make my own easy prediction: There will not be a single UM fan in the stands. Why? Because Miami fans won't travel to Ft. Lauderdale to watch UM's home games, they certainly aren't going to San Francisco to watch the U in the Emerald Bowl. 

It's all about the irrelevance.

Friday, December 5, 2008

The Line Is Drawn.



The line is now at 10 and holding. That's a line I can place some faith in (read: $$$).

It all comes from scoring difficulty, which is why it is often said that defense wins game/championships. I will take that premise as the fundamental assumption of the following analysis.

The hardest thing to score is a touchdown, so naturally, it gets the highest point reward. This is followed, arguably, either by a 2-point conversion or a long (college long: 40+ yards) field goal. Last, of course, is the point-after-touchdown, yielding the lowest point reward: 1.

How does this apply to the 10 point line?

In order for bama to meet the point deficit predicted by the Vegans, they would have to score a td, kick a PAT, and a field goal.

Or, they can score four field goals.

Or, two touchdowns, missing two PAT's.

One way of interpreting the line is to say that scoring a touchdown is difficult for the tide. It can be deduced then that scoring a 2-point conversion must be almost equally difficult. It's unlikely that the tide would go for a 2-point conversion to win the game, the risk his too when a PAT would achieve a tie. Let's assume they don't go for a 2-point conversion.

So then, let's take the scenario of one td, a PAT, and a field goal. This would total 10 and tie the game.

The Gators' opponents average 12.2 points per game. So let's grant bama one touchdown, and say it comes down to the kicker, as it usually does in big games.

The tide need a field goal. The tide is 17-25 for the year. Their kicker is 6/7 of 20-29 yds; 8/10 of 30-39 yds; 2/5 for FG of 40-49 yards; and 1/2 over 50 yds, with one blocked. The tide has even replaced its starting kicker before to come in to kick a field goal that was 30-39 yards. He missed. The Gators do a great job of blocking field goals (see, generally, Jarvis Moss - Cock Block '06). The Gators' opponents are 10/14 in field goals. Such numbers do not bode well for bama should they keep it close, which is the present prevailing strategy of experts for bama to beat the Gators. I think most agree that the tide cannot trade td's with Florida.

By contrast Florida is 10/10. Yes, a low number, but a perfect one. Look at the distances: 5/5 of 20-29; 4/4 of 30-39; and 1/1 of 40-49. Nothing too difficult, perhaps unimpressive, but, then again, we're not analyzing the Gators' field goal efficiency, it's just fun to see how perfect the Gators are.

Moving along, a field goal and a touchdown only gets bama to 9 points. To tie they need to kick a PAT. We've discussed the field goals, let's look at the PAT.

The tide are 42-44 95%. Not a lot of misses, but look at the madness that the Gators' only missed PAT caused-- a loss. But the analysis doesn't end there. While bama may be good at hitting PAT's, the Gators' are among the nation's elite in defending them. Opponents are 13-16 81% against the Gators' special teams. The tide's opponents are 100% against their special teams.

In conclusion, if it comes down to a field goal, the tide is in trouble. If it comes down to an extra point, then the Gators might be in trouble, but, consider that in order for the game to come down to a PAT, the tide would have to have scored a touchdown-- a much harder task for the above-mentioned reasons. I think it seems as if the Vegans don't believe in the scoring ability of the tide, even if they keep it close.

Any other thoughts?

Go Gamble.
Go Gators.

We, the Gators.

I am a recovering cynic, most of you know this. I fight. I strive. I claw. In my little Gator skiff, I brave the tempest in a town surrounded by the illiterate and the inept, the immoral and the superficial, the shallow and the wicked, the banal and the provincial, and the who and their faithful. Such battles are frequently lost, and ceaselessly harped on. But I have never deviated nor detracted from our glorious alma mater, until now. I have failed myself, and most importantly you all by my recent failures to post. It is a failure when the concerns of one affect the concerns of the many.

My procrastination of this semester has forced me to dedicate an inordinate amount of time to my studying of finals, which run till December 11th. My academic complacency has resulted in MGN's shamefully diminished treatment of the Gators' most important game in their history, and struck me to the core-- my fealty to and my enjoyment of our beloved alma mater. These are guilts that only an undying Gator fan can feel. My self esteem is taking a worse beating than do the privy parts of WSG and the Jota when alone watching B's on B's.

Luckily, and thankfully, we are a Nation. A Nation not of men, but of Gators. Gators that carry the load when dropped by another. Gators that push forward the fallen behind. Gators that stand tall against the rolling of the tides. Gators that would gladly lose their hand in extending it to help another Gator. Gators like Jota, who, at the expense of his clients' needs, opines his soaring rhetoric on the hallowed pages of MGN. Gators like WSG who would rather be poorer than leave a Gator outside the stadium. Gators like the Jewboy, a man who would prefer to have his bachelor party in Gainesville, the land of manna. Gators like the Sha who would sooner compromise his career and marriage than his allegiance to the Orange and Blue. Gators like Gatorface whose incessant shit-talking is equaled only by the ludicrousness of her livery. Finally, Gators like Ol' Bill, a Gator who would rather opt to bailout MGN than the collapsing world financial markets.

It takes these Gators to make this Nation.

And it is to this Nation I will return, and you will hear me, and you will feel me. And the sun will be orange and the skies blue, and it will be good.

Go Gratitude
Go Gators.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

In two days we will witness the Greatest SEC championship game ever played.

You my friends all went to the University of Florida for this reason.

You didn’t know it then…but you did, and when you walked through those ivy laced brick buildings for the first time you awoke a spirit that has grown in momentum, in pride and in passion since that day.

We funneled liters of Natty light other reasons.
We hooked up with ugly ass people for other reasons.
We ate more adderall than Robin Williams’ kid for other reasons.
We late night trolled the depths of Orbit for other reasons.
We slept 16 ppl deep at the Adams Mark in Jacksonville for other reasons.

BUT the reason we all went to UF (oblivious to most of us at the time) was to become Champions.

ON the field and OFF. All of you hold great careers or a in the midst of higher education our parents could only dream of.

This is the reason we emerged from the University of Florida.

And on Saturday our tradition of championship continues.

I urge you. I demand you.
I get on my knees and beg to you that if you do not have a tradition yet you start one.
It doesn’t matter what it is as long as it is a tradition of Champions.

This game is going to be special boys and girls.

This SEC Championship Game marks the sixth time that teams from the same conference have played each other when ranked No. 1 and No. 2 in the AP poll.

The top-ranked team is 4-1 in the previous five No. 1 vs. No. 2 matchups. Not a good stat for the Gators.

But we are talking about the Florida Gators. The 2008 Florida Gators. A team that could be labeled as the most explosive college football team in modern era.

And people are aware of this… the smart money is on Florida…..Vegas has the Orange and Blue nation favored by 9.5 pts.

ESPN.com did an article about this being the biggest game in SEC history

http://myespn.go.com/blogs/sec/0-3-17/Ranking-some-of-the-SEC-s-most-anticipated-games.html

Gators played in the top 5 games, and 7 of the top 10.

This coming game could be one for the ages.

If this does not get you horny I hope this video does….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-1m2QqwHpA


Go out there and start a tradition.

Go Gators

Monday, December 1, 2008

Percy Update


Percy is back in the training room. He's in a boot and still questionable. I suspect he will remain questionable until the moment of kickoff as there is not point in helping Satan with his game planning. 

It's clear that Percy wants to play. Even if he's not 100%, just having him on the field will create matchup nightmares for bama, so this is good.

Meyer, clad in a snazzy shirt, speaks on Percy's condition and spirits, and remind us of Percy's post-injury performance in SEC title games.

If an ounce of history is worth pounds of logic, bama will see Percy in all his glory.


Go Heal.
Go Gators.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Be Thankful.

As Thanksgiving has passed, it's time to reflect on what you're thankful for. Many times in life one is ungrateful where one should have been otherwise. It's a human problem, and the solution is a life-long struggle. Thanksgiving highlights these times where we should be thankful. 

What are you thankful for?

Perhaps it's your family, many don't have one, and some don't speak to their own. Be thankful.

Maybe it's your beloved country, a country in two conflicts, and in the worst economic crisis in 70 years, but turning a corner and heading down a new path, a path we should be proud of. Be thankful.

Maybe it's your health, that you're alive after what must now be a decade of a full-on chemical assault on your body and mind. Be thankful.

Maybe it's your friends-- those pieces of shit you hang out with. Those guys or girls that know how laughably imperfect and irreparably screwed up you truly are-- and still want to hang with you. Be thankful.

Maybe it's your success, you have money, you're eating, you're clothed, you're educated, and you're not warring with your neighbor for life's barest necessities. Be thankful.

Maybe you don't give a rat's ass about any of the above-mentioned, and as such, are a thankless curmudgeon-fuckbag. That's fine. So long as you're thankful for the following:
 
Be thankful that you watch college football on Saturdays. If you were a Miami fan, you wouldn't be doing anything on Saturdays, except maybe watch the Gators.

Be thankful that we might have the greatest football team in our school's great history.

Be thankful that the Gators beat their rival for the 5th straight time. 

Be thankful you got into the University of Florida-- cause you couldn't now, not a chance. If you applied today, you'd be cheering the losing side of last Saturday's game. 

Be thankful, very thankful, for the Timbow-- the paragon of college athletics, a Gator, like yourself.

Be thankful we're going to Atlanta-- where the greatest game in SEC history will be played.

Be thankful for your Gator alumni friends. Friendships forged in the brickyards of Turlington, quenched in the nectar of University Avenue barrooms, and continued worldwide in the football seasons every fall.

Be thankful you're a Gator, for anything less would be uncivilized.

(Note: I'm in the middle of law school finals. I am writing still, but the frequency will be less, as I'm sure many have noticed. I will post two more postings. One on the prior game, and one on the upcoming game. Please be patient, I promise it'll be worth the wait. Thanks, MGN)

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Black Friday - FSU

Forgive me for not posting a series of hostile postings. I've been studying for law school finals. Actually, "studying" connotes that I've learned the material when I was supposed to, which is indeed not the case. I'm "learning" and that's what's been keeping me. Sorry, but this will be short and without depth.

Is there a better way to prepare for the SEC Championship Game than playing hated rival FSU at Tallahassee? An away game. A rivalry. A time to make a statement. A win tomorrow and we might be, with an Oklahoma loss, heading to Atlanta ranked #2.  An SEC Championship Game with a #1 vs. #2? Sick, and a first.

Anywho, the line is 16.5 and that's saying something: The Noles are fucked. FSU, like other teams before them, have no answer for our offense. Our defense will overwhelm and force turnovers. Our special teams must come through big, and will. 

I have a feeling that FSU will come out flat. I don't know why, but maybe it's because of pregame speeches like this. Sorry, Bob, but such enthusiasm will not carry the day 'gainst the mighty Gators.

They will fall, we will rise.

Go Make History.
Go Gators.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Blinged Newton.

Sir Newton

Cam Newton is this week's much-deserving bling victim.

Sir Newton's brilliance is blinding. Let's review the allegations:

Newton stole a laptop from another student's dorm room. Nothing too stupid there, save for the larceny and burglary. 

Then, Clever Cameron used the computer to get online, logging onto the University of Florida network, and creating a perfect track for campus authorities to trace. Tight work!

And then, Newton writes his name "CAM NEWTON" on the lid of the laptop. I can't figure out why he would do this. Then again, I'm not a fucking moron. Perhaps the thinking goes as follows: "It has my name on it, it can't be yours." Kinda like how one wrote their name on their stuff in grade school. That's my burnt umber crayon, stealer! Gimme!

Cam's boundless intelligence doesn't end there. Florida 5-0 show up and query Newton 'bout his hot 'puter. Cameron doesn't know what they're talking about, Willis. Very well then. This laptop right here? Peep it, it's mine, check the name, copper! In that case, you wouldn't mind signing this Search and Seizure Waiver, would you, braniac? Of course not, replied nimble Newton. Privacy rights are for the birds.

So, the boys in blue leave, but not without recording the serial number of the laptop. They cross-reference the number with the one reported stolen from the hapless student. Voila. A match! 

Cops return. Cam doesn't have a laptop. What are you even talking about? Stop this harassment. I've called my lawyer. OOOooooo!

Good. Holler at him and maybe he can help you explain why we found that laptop in the dumpster outside your dorm window.

Turn around, place your hands behind your back. 
Leave the apple here.

Off the Wires.


Patchan and Marsh are out. Brandon Antwine (back) will not practice the beginning of this week. As such, Torrey Davis is likely to be moved to nose tackle anchoring the 3-man front with Terron Sanders and Jaye Howard. I don't foresee this being much of an issue. Davis is getting better every time he gets out on the field, Howard is reportedly improving and will benefit from the playing time. The Noles don't have a powerful running threat. Missing our starters may alleviate some pressure on Pounder, but that's it-- I think/hope.

Chas Henry will be the Gators' 3rd string QB as Cam Newton resolves his laptop issues. Henry was a stud QB at East Paulding High School in Dallas, GA.  He threw for 1,700 yards as a junior with the Raiders. He's an outstanding punter, I prefer to keep him that way. 

Percy Harvin will be the 4th string QB. Percy has been taking some direct snaps in practice. Percy is Percy. He could go out there and be the drum major and still manage to score several times. No fretting is merited here.


Monday, November 24, 2008

Sun Sports Tonight and Tomorrow.

Every Gators' favorite channel, Sun Sports, is rebroadcasting the Citadel scrimmage tomorrow at 11 pm.

Also, Chris Doering and the gang take a look back at the rivalry between the Gators and the noles tonight on Sun Sports' Tailgate Overtime. The show will air at 6:30 pm in South Florida and at 10:30 pm for central and north Florida.

If you can catch it, catch it.

Here's the schedule for Sun Sports.

Goosepimples.



We're not going to talk about last Saturday's game. The Gators won-- that's all thou needst to know. It's time to prepare for FSU. I'll be writing something shortly. Until then, enjoy this goosebumpy video of the Gators greatest highlights sent by the Jota.

Go win.
Go Gators.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Newton Arrested, Charged with Felonies.

Cameron Newton, the backup QB, has been arrested and charged with burglary, larceny, and obstruction of justice by witness retaliation-- all felonies.

Peep his booking detail hurr.

Newton allegedly stole a Dell laptop from a student's dorm. The laptop was worth $1,700. The fuzz showed up to Cameron's Keys dorm room to ask him about the laptop. 

The cops noticed that the serial number on Cam's laptop (which had the words "Cam Newton" written on the lid-- they'll never figure it out!) matched the serial number on the victim-student's missing laptop (oops).

Oh shit. Time to holler at a lawyer. Which is what Cameron should've done before signing a Search and Seizure Waiver. Genius thinking, Sir Isaac.

Anyway, the cops returned, but the laptop was-- poof-- gone! Well, at least missing again, until it popped up in the dumpster outside his dorm. 

UPD arrested Newton and booked him at 2:30 pm.

See ya later, former Gator. He's been indefinitely suspended from the team. Thanks for making the decision for successor quarterback to the Timbow so easy, dumbfuck.

The Hand Up Mona Lisa's Skirt.

In the spirit of law school, hell, and objectivity, I'm going to play devil's advocate. The Gators cannot run the ball in between the tackles-- at least not with Rainey, Demps, and Harvin. It never works. 

Ok, it's worked once or twice, but that was when teams didn't know who Demps or Rainey were. And even then, it only worked with the line spread wider than your girl's stems. Now, teams know. Now, it doesn't work anymore. 

But Mullen still calls the play. Sometimes out of a single-back formation! Why? To that question I haven't the faintest idea. But I do know why the plays don't work: The Law of Momentum.

Let's use Jeff Demps as an example. Jeffery Demps is 5-8 and 174 lbs. He may be faster than a speeding bullet, but he's no Superman.

It's a matter of simple physics: when bodies of unequal masses collide, the body with the lesser mass will not transfer its momentum in any appreciable degree to the body with the greater mass. Savvy?

Let's put it in degenerate terms: You're playing pool, and you're drunk so you're playing well. You're about to pocket the 8 and in so doing, have your 9 pitchers, 2 Irish car bombs, and manifold Jagers paid for. When you hit the cue ball (without any english), it strikes the 8 ball, dead on. 

What happens? You jump up and call your boy a bitch, naturally. But what happened on the table? The 8 ball moves, the cue ball stops. Ok. Why? Because both balls (ha, he said balls, Beavis) are of equal mass, the momentum of the cue ball transfers into the struck 8 ball with little-to-no energy lost. The 8 ball moves at near the same velocity as the cue ball-- it loses some because of friction and the loss of energy in the form of heat. The cue ball stops moving because it transfers almost all of its momentum into the 8 ball.

Ok, now, what happens when the cue ball and the 8 ball have unequal masses? Imagine the cue ball has its same mass (x) and the 8 ball has a mass 1.5 - 2 times the mass of the cue ball (say, 1.75x).  Now, try it again, and call the pocket this time. What's going to happen? You're paying the tab, that's what's going to happen, Fast Eddie. The reason you're buying is because the cue ball would rebound at nearly the same velocity in which it struck the more massive 8 ball (not that kinda of 8-ball). It's called impulse. Almost no momentum from the cue ball transfers into the 8 ball. The cue ball retains almost all of its momentum and goes in the opposite direction at nearly the same velocity with which it struck the 8 ball.

WTF does this all mean? Did I drive here? Are we at Crobar?

It means that since Jeffery Demps weighs 174 lbs., and he runs into, say, a 320-pound lineman, the fact that Demps runs a 7 -second 100 m. will make only a negligible difference in energy transfer. He'll retain that momentum and it will recoil him backwards. This is how people die in car accidents. More importantly, this is how people fumble. People like the 1,2,3 boys: Demps, Rainey, and Harvin. No amount of ball-carrying practice or drills will offset the fundamental laws of energy and momentum. 

In short, stop running the fucking ball in between the tackles with Jeffery Demps, Chris Rainey, or Percy Harvin, science is not on your side.

Go Nature.
Go Gators.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

EXPOSED!

(AP Photo/John Bazemore)

UM sucks. Agreed? 
Georgia Tech sucks. Agreed?

Good. Glad we agree on that. Miami was slaughtered last night. Praise the Football Gods. 

Analcysts on ESPN were loving the Who all week long, and now, they're reaping it. The Hurricanes were ranked for the first time in 3 years and got booted out in 5 days.

I normally don't engage in such shadenfreude, but this was so delightful, I can't contain myself. Anyone else feel great because the Canes perished in flames?

Go Yellow Jackets!

Heisman Harvin


Ol' Bill sent this link in which Mike Freeman persuasively argues Percy for Heisman. It's not going to happen, and Freeman knows that, but it's an interesting argument. 
Consider that Harvin plays, and has played, against the best defenses in the country-- and shined. Harvin's ability to elude defenders is second to none. And, again, he does this in the SEC-- the most defense-intensive conference in the NCAA. 

Harvin is the most dangerous person with a football in college football. He need not do more to prove this.

Yet there is some doubt as to whether Harvin's skill set will transfer to the NFL with success. A good question-- kind of like who's your father. Look, son, Harvin is football fast. That means his lateral speed is equal or close to his straight-ahead speed. Both speeds are world class. Both are desired in the NFL. Percy's dynamism is refreshing in a time when players have become so specialized that even a great slot receiver cannot perform as a decent wideout. Any NFL team will find a place for such dynamism. And yet, Freeman proffers that Harvin's numbers are a product of Meyer al la Alex Smith. 

I disagree.

Percy Harvin's numbers come from his ability to move explosively in any direction he chooses, not from Dan Mullen's play-calling, I assure you. Percy can stop just as fast as he can start. He can weave and spin and slip tackles. He moves are deliberate and calculating, unlike others who rely on spinning and kicking like they're playing fucking Madden. He can take it between the tackles (admittedly, sometimes getting killed and fumbling in the process). As Meyer correctly points out, Harvin has the best first step in college football. It's Harvin's Ferrari-like capacity to instantly hit top end that makes Percy so dangerous. He is smart enough to make a move to throw a defender off balance, and quick enough so that even the slightest mistake can cost a defender dearly. All of this would happen regardless of where Percy is playing-- the NCAA or in the NFL, in Florida or any other school.

Percy Harvin will not win the Heisman trophy. People don't know what he looks like. He's not tall. He doesn't showboat. He doesn't talk trash. He doesn't throw the ball. He comes from a "gimmicky" offense. He doesn't play Pop Warner in the Big 12. 

He just does his thing: score, quickly and often. And I'll take that over a Heisman any day, and twice on Saturday.

Go Harvin.
Go Gators.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Gator Belle - Britany Raymond

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Hotlanta Gets Hotter.

Gainesville.com reports that the first daughter of Florida Football is going to Georgia Tech to play volleyball. 

Nicki Meyer, Urban's eldest daughter, signed her letter of intent on Monday with her family present.

We here at MGN wish her the best, until she plays Mary Wise's Gator Volleyball team, at which point we hope she goes down in flames.

 The Gators' Women Volleyball team is presently ranked 14th in the nation.

Go Meyer.
Go Gators.

(image by Aaron Daye/Staff Photgrapher for Gainesville Sun)

WWBD?


If…..

-You could walk on water

-Learned the art of breaking down film at the age of 9

-Held to honor of being the only head coach in NFL history to win 3 Super Bowls within 4 years.

-Ate deadly Costa Rican poisonous dart frogs instead of skittles

-Boasted being 2nd in NFL playoff wins only trailing a gridiron great whose name alone denotes championship ( Vince Lombardi )


Where would you go for advice?

Would you climb the highest peak to find a sage and study the Foundational Practices of Tibetan Buddhism?


Would you hike into the depths of the Amazon to drink Ayahuasca in eager search of enlightenment?


You could possibly crash a Mensa meeting to pick the brains of humans who score at the 98th percentile on a standardized IQ test.

Nah fuck that...

When the Mastermind wizard donning the cut-off sweatshirt named Bill Belichick needs some tips on X’s and O’s he skips over the regulars: Bill Parcells, Stephen Hawking, Charlie Weis, Mike Shanahan, Bobby Fischer

He calls Urban Meyer.

And he leaves a message, because our football coach doesn’t have time to focus on anything else besides Gator Football. This is Urban warfare.....fuck the hospitality.

Gators Pick Up 4-Star 2009 Commit

The Gators have picked up Rivals.com 4-star commit, Nick Kasa, a 6-7, 245 lbs., strong-side defensive end. Kasa can run the 40 in 4.6 seconds. He's from Broomfield, Colorado, and considered offers from Miami, California, Notre Dame, Nebraska, Oregon, and Colorado. 

Kasa settled on the Gators after UF's Cock spanking in the Swamp. Kasa is the Gators' 13th 2009 commitment.

Go Get Honored.


Percy Harvin (JR) was named the SEC Offensive Player of the Week for his gangster performance against the Cocks last Saturday. Harvin finished with 167 yards, on 8 rushes, and two TD's.

Jermaine Cunningham (JR) was named the SEC Defensive Lineman of the Week for the Cock beating he delivered. Cunningham had 8 tackles, 2 for loss, a forced fumble, a pass deflection, and half a sack.

---- Random Links---

DB sent me this link. Seems like they're talkin' 'bout dem Gators out west, too. 

ESPN.com's Schlabach and Feldman project the Gators to play the Red Raiders in the BCS National Championship Game.

Recognize.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Cock Slapped.




Spurrier Cold-Cocked

No amount of visor-tossing or Viagra could help the normally cocksure Spurrier or his impotent Cocks in Gainesville Saturday afternoon. Mighty Florida would teach South Carolina the hard lesson that you don't bring a cock to a Gator fight. And blogs, placards, and drunken fans alike, would teach Spurrier that losing is worse when you have the most double entendre-rich team name in sports history.
 
O, the incidental comedy of sports!

Let's start where games are won: The D.

The best defense in the SEC is the Florida Gators, verily. Conversation over. Don't take it from me, I lie, but numbers don't. The Gator D is 1st in redzone defense (60%), 1st in turnover margin (+15), 1st in interceptions (17), 1st in scoring defense (11.3), 2nd in total defense (274.9 yds./game), 2nd in rushing defense (102 yds./game), and 4th in passing defense (172.2 yds./game). 


Stiff D Makes Cocks Impotent.

Scoring on Florida is the exception, not the rule. The Gators' 11.3 points per game average was helped this Saturday by keeping the Cocks offense flaccid, limiting them to an anticlimactic two field goals. Against our big D, the Cocks were short on the ground with only 54 yards. Gators stuffed any holes a Cock could go through. Cock-stuffer Cunningham had 8 tackles, half a sack, and forced a fumble. Dunlap, who doesn't even start, dun good and got his 6th sack of the season (tied for 2nd in the SEC). 

Converting third downs against Florida is the exception, not the rule. Opponents have converted less than 30% of their 3rd down attempts (40/134). Florida forced 10 punts out of the Cocks, 8 of which were 3 and outs. The Florida linebacking corps is playing lights out. Every game it's someone new coming up and accompanying General Spikes and terminating the enemy.This week's cockswain was Brandon Hicks. Hicks hurried one pass and deflected another resulting in two interceptions out of the Stinky Cock. Hicks would later come free on the blindside and pulverize the Stinky Cock into chicken droppings. 

Getting picked off by Florida is the rule, not the exception. Florida leads the SEC with 17 picks, averaging 25.9 per return, 5 of which have been for six. This season 11 different players on the Florida defense have at least 1 interception. The Gators intercepted Stinky and the other guy 3 times. General Spikes grabbed his 3rd interception for the year, and took it to the house for the 2nd time this year. Ahmad Black, who attracts passes like a fucking magnet, got his 6th pick this season, he's tied for the lead in the SEC and nation in total picks and picks to the crib. The freshmen got nasty too, the Thrill got his first pick of the season, and Jenkins broke up two passes that would've resulted in first downs.

Gators' O Show Cocks Their "O" Face.

For real, this shit's just getting crazy stupid. I haven't seen a Cock beating this bad since I was 13 and discovered my old man's stash. 

The Gators' O have laid waste to every highly-ranked SEC defense. Merciless Percy ran the ball 8 times, scored twice, and gained 167 yards in the process of being a badass. I swear this guy's made of water. Every time defenders try to grab him, he flows through their grasp, finding the path of least resistance. He moves more proactively than reactively. In the post-game press conference Meyer said it's Percy's peerless first step that makes him so elusive. Fact is that the guy's amazing and not even legally allowed to drink. Percy's performance was enough to get the Jota to retract his statement that Demps is better than Percy. For now.

Touchdown Timbow (which, btw, I heard some Sun Sports announcer call him "Timbow" last week and claim to have made up the hybrid name. Eh, no, I did.) had two td's in the air, and ran one down the Cocks' throat for his 11th rushing touchdown . Timbow was again taken out early per the mercy rule. 

The Freaky Freshmen got some too. Deonte Thompson, the redshirt freshness, had 3 catches, including a 46 yd. six pointer. Demps was a blue streak again averaging a nonhuman 10+ yards per carry and scoring on a 38 yd. td run. Rainey averaged 7.9 yards on 7 carries. Moody ran with murderous intent again, hungry for his first score. He broke a run for 36, and broke some Cockheads on his shorter gains.

In fact, there were 4 Gators with at least 1 rushing td, and 5 with at least 39 yards rushing. The Gators ran all over the Cocks for a total of 346 yards. 

Bristol, Connecticut's Hernandez put on for his city making an obscenely good catch and the ESPN highlights.


Especially Special

Unsurprisingly, le special teams played outfuckingstanding. No Cock blocks this game. But there were some cockamamie shenanigans. Dunno why, but the Ole Ball Cock called for a throw-back lateral on a kick return. Uh, no: James Smith recovered the ball on the Cock one yard line. 

Brandon James averaged 22 yards a kickoff return, and returned one punt 39 yards. The Gators punted 6 times, of which none were returned, 4 were inside the 20, and one was 60 yards. Shit, even the backup punter had a 44 yarder inside the 20. 


Friday, November 14, 2008

Blinged Calathes

Nick Calathes Makes It Rain
"I Make It Rain!"


From now on, we here at MGN will be Blinging a new person each week, and no, blinging doesn't mean what you think it does, scumbag.

This week we go after Nick Calathes, a Florida guard who is down 6-hunnie from gambling online. Calathes told NCAA officials that he's up for the year, so he's not sweating it. And, moreover, Nick says, Dupay owes him "like a G, so if anything, I'll just get it from Ted and put, like, 400 on black."

Understood. Nick balls till he falls.
What you think of that?

Anywho, this is a call for y'all to make your own blingees. Below you'll find the simple directions on how to do one. By the middle of the week, or whenever I get around to it, MGN will select a winner.

How to make a blingee:
  1. Get an image of the person to be blinged. You can do so by doing a google image search. Click here and pick one if you're too high, dumb, or lazy to do it yourself. 
  2. Save the image to your 'puter, or copy the link.
  3. Go to www.blingee.com
  4. Follow the 2 steps to make your blingee.
  5. Copy the link and post it as a comment on this page. 
  6. Winner gets a lock of my hair.

Gator Belle - Lauren Anderson


Lauren Anderson is a Florida Gator, Miss July 2002, girlfriend of Gator B-Baller Matt Walsh, FoxxyNews.com anchor, and most importantly, this month's Gator Belle.


Go Gators.

Gator Girls in Bikinis.


Gator Country is putting out their Girls of Gator Country Calendar. You can pre-order yours here. Gator Lauren Anderson, Matt Walsh's flame, is the cover girl. 

God bless the Gator Nation. Keep up the good breeding.
Now go wash your hands.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Earth and Water.

As you lean back in your chair behind your desk, feigning diligence and productivity, imagine the following for a moment. Close your eyes. Actually, wait, don't because then you can't read this:
Picture the Reitz Union. You, your boys, and some fine, 18-20 year-old girls are conversing about what to do that night. Maybe head to the Bank? Martiny's or 238-- they have those badass fire-breathing bartenders there (no jokes about that incident, fuckers), you know. It's one of those gorgeous Gainesville November days: 63 degrees, no clouds, 30% humidity. Spanish moss hangs lazily from the giant venerable oaks. The Later Gator scoops up some waiting students. A bird chirps. A squirrel nibbles a nut. Young Gators walk to class, flanked by buildings of brick, stone, and glass. This is college. This is the Gator experience. These are the ties that bond the Gator Nation.

Then, as you're lost in the glorious beauty of youth, Tim Tebow punches your boy in the mouth, relieving him of his skull, shuffling him off the mortal coil. Then Will Hill stabs your other homeboy in the face with a pencil. Brandon Spikes and Major Wright grab the nearest chair and bash the purity out of the Gator belles with whom you were just speaking. 

You can't believe it. Is this the apocalypse? Choking on the tears and blood, you drop to your knees and cry out: This is blasphempy! This is madness!
Wrong.

Gators v. Cocks, Meyer v. Spurrier, Old v. New


The Ole Ball Coach (OBC) returns to the Swamp this Saturday to try and screw the Gators. Last time he tried that, he was cock blocked by 6-5 Jarvis Moss in the most important play in Florida Football history.

This time the game  overshadows the Spurrier plot line. The Gators cannot lose if they want to remain in the title picture. The OBC would like nothing more than to crush Meyer and the Gators' title hopes. Spurrier is arguably the greatest coach in Florida Football, but should Meyer and the Gator boys win another championship, the argument will swing in Meyer's favor. Meyer will then, inarguably, be the greatest coach in Florida Football.

The clash of the old and new will take place in the Swizzamp, scheduled for 3:30 on CBS. The Cocks come into the Swamp with the number one ranked defense in the SEC and 3rd nationally. The Gators have the number one ranked offense the SEC and the 7th ranked scoring offense in the country.

South Carolina's defense will be a challenge, no doubt. The Gators have yet to face such a defense this year. Or have they? Kentucky came into the Swamp with their defense ranked first in the SEC. The Gators put up 63 points on the kittens. Then, Vanderbilt had the highest ranked defense. The Gators put up 359 points in the first quarter.

I have seen no defense presently playing in college football that can stop the Gator offense. If you think I'm wrong, then tell me, but I think you'd be hard-pressed to present an argument otherwise. In the game's strongest defensive conference, the Gators have the country's most proven offense. The Gators are putting  points in the same fashion as the 1996 Gator National Champions. Against Georgia: 49, LSU: 51, Kentucky: 63, Arkansas: 38, Vanderbilt: 42.

The Timbow continues to impress, which is, er, impressive. He is more efficient as evidenced by his 1st half performance against the 'Dores. The Timbow is first in the SEC (you know, that conference where defenses actually try and cover people) in passing efficiency and 10th in the nation. He is ranked first, by far, in that same conference in points responsible for (18 per game!). His singular focus and intense preparation will likely show in spectacular fashion when He returns back to the Swamp. This is clearly a different Tebow than the one who could not gain one yard on 4th down against the Rebels. All his teammates report that the Timbow is having fun again and playing like the Heisman Timbow. One can see it in his running alone. He's putting his head down and running more on his instincts and less on designed plays. The return of the Timbow plow, defenses will look to spy or crash, leaving open the threat of the option pass or the play fake. 

Defenses cannot sleep on Florida's wide receivers who have been nothing short of perfect lately. 3 different receivers caught td passes from Timbow in the dominating win over Vandy. Harvin is scoring every other time he touches the ball. Hernandez has been consistent and reliable. Murphy has been cash-money. Deonte Thompson is now in the mix, having tasted the endzone and hungry to score again. Demps and Rainey are probably the most dangerous check-down, out-of-the-backfield threats in the game. And Carl Moore wants more people to know his name. 

It doesn't get much better than this, and if you ask the OBC, the Gators are better than the 2006 Champions. Spurrier also says this year's Cocks are better than the 2006 Cocks, but frankly, a cock's a cock, and in the Swamp, only Gators get out alive.

It may not get better than this for the offense, but the defense just keeps rising. The Gators are first in the SEC and 4th in the nation in scoring defense. The OBC has been raving about his Cock defense, ranked first in the SEC in total defense. That's nice, but where it counts: points scored, the Cocks have allowed more than the Gators, and both have faced the same opponents. The Gators have allowed only 107 points scored against them this season. The Cocks have allowed 156. Both have played Ole Miss, LSU, Georgia, Tennessee, Vanderbilt, Kentucky, and Arkansas.

Finally, the play of the special teams has usually carried the day when these two meet up. Everyone remembers the Cock Block. Jarvis Moss, bless him. This matchup will likely have the same Cock stuffing, but with new names and faces. Demps, James, Dunlap, and the entire Gator punt coverage team will be plucking the Cock's feathers. If the Gators make any big play on special teams, then the game's over. The Swamp will go nuts. The stadium's collective memory will kick in and inspire the Gators to play harder. That's the beauty of big special teams play, the lingering motivating effects on the offense and defense.

Meyer's constitution disallows him to be second. He will use this game to make a statement. A statement that he, not the coach on the east sideline, is the greatest coach in Florida Football history.

Vegans got Gators as 22.5 point faves. 
Take it, they'll cover. 

I'll see you on Saturday, Gators.

(tip of the hat to the Jota for the pic)