Let It Snow.

Always remember that whenever the chips are down, life could've been worse: You could've not been a Gator and instead had to settle for hunting poon like the one featured in this video.

Some favorite lines:

"I thought it was going to be a 'poof' and it was a fucking whole hallway." - Yeah, I had a girl think that once, then next she knew, she was covered in baby batter. Despite the tears, I think she liked it.

"Alpha Chi hates me." - Yes, Elise, they likely do. You haven't one redeeming quality which I can easily discern. You're un-hot, which means you're not allowed to perpetrate any pranks of any kind unless they are followed immediately by some rabid-dog-like fellatio. 

"So many people do bad things" - Yes, tis true, people do. And if you're listed on "The Faithful" to the right of the main page of MGN, then chances are you do several grams of bad things every weekend. But, again, if you were hot then you can do all the bad things you want with no fear of paying fines or of others passing judgment. And, of course, by "do" I mean blow, and by "bad things" I mean my johnson.

"Maybe I'll just sweep, I'll sweep the floors." - It all comes down to whether you'd look good sweeping. If you don't, which in this case, Elise, you wouldn't, you're fucked. I would however, let you sweep the floor with that horrid sweater you're wearing while bellowing "I love Gator cock" aloud.

"I'll do whatever it takes to be an Alpha Chi." - You would, Panama Red, and you will. If by anything you mean "anyone" then you've spoken like a true college freshman, and somewhere out there is a proud father. 

"Stop video-ing." Not a verb, and no, I won't stop, unless you're hot and/or rabid-dog-fellatio (see discussion, rabid dog, supra).

Go Greek.

Go Gators.