How Do We Get to the Big Dance?

Major brain trust in my apartment last night conversing over the possibilities of the Gators making it to Miami for the big dance. Drunken doctors and Harvard lawyers talking (that's progress, woohoo tort reform!), and others smart enough to avoid grad school, all efforting one question:

How Do The Gators Make it To Miami?

Penn State somehow, somewhere, is being taken seriously. I guess being at the top of a Pop Warner league is tantamount to having accomplished something meaningful in the NCAA. Balderdash! 

What's more, if Penn St. wins out, EPSN anal-cysts declare they would be dancing in South Beach. By the way, I fucking hate it when they say that teams will be playing in South Beach, because we all know that the stadium is closer to Ft. Lauderdale than it is to Miami Beach. 

But whatever. 

Pennsylvania State University. 

For real, dude? 

The Big Ten has no championship game. They have no standing to play in the BCS Championship.  They've already had the Big Ten in the BCS Boogiedown and they've LOST the last two times. It's been proven 2wice over. I implore you, dear voter, don't shut out the SEC because of some misplaced sense of loyalty to some has-been conference or because of some amateurish, non-progressive barometer for college football.

Here's how I see the Gators getting asked to dance:

1. The Gators meet and beat an undefeated Alabama team in Atlanta. 

Other things need to happen, but a big win in the SEC Championship game over Satan's Tide would do much to convince voters that the real big games come out of the SEC. Granted, we need big wins from here on out. No close games, no fucking up. Big time, sweet-mother-of-God wins are exactly what we need. USC is a nonissue. So is Oklahoma, and your life.

The Big Twelve is the conference everyone is going "ga-ga" over. But anyone who knows anything about collegiate ball knows that a retarded gorilla can gain yards in a conference where, I personally believe, the teams don't practice defense between games. I think that when the season comes to an end, voters will look at the season in whole, and not in a weekly fashion. 

If Alabama beats LSU in a close, epic game and wins out in an impressive manner, and the Gators win out the rest of the way, then the winner of the SEC Championship will-- hopefully-- not be denied a place at the table. 

So, Gators keep winning, Bama keeps winning till they get to the SEC Championship, then Bob's your uncle and we dance.

Got it?

Or

       2. Penn State loses. 

Should God decide not to stop with his quirky, and often unfunny sense of college football humor, the Nittany Lions will win the rest of their schedule. I don't know if Joe Pa and God know each other from the the past, maybe they play bridge or canasta or whatever, but really, this shit's ridonculous. 

But let's say God lays off the smelling salts and the Nittany (whatever the fuck Nittany means is beyond me) Ligers lose to powerhouse Indiana, the mighty Michigan State, or the indomitable Iowa (go iowans! wait? what the frick is iowa?), then voters may actually come to their senses and realize that Penn State doesn't deserve to carry Florida's Jock Straps. 

I believe they can lose, because that's what losers do. Their gameplay is simple. They are a balanced team, but their opponents are generally weak. Put P-State up against a complicated (and working) spread, and they're done-- done, I tell you! Put them up against a defense like the Gators with speed on the edges and intelligent d-backs and they're finished!

Finished!

Anything I left out?