Be Thankful.

As Thanksgiving has passed, it's time to reflect on what you're thankful for. Many times in life one is ungrateful where one should have been otherwise. It's a human problem, and the solution is a life-long struggle. Thanksgiving highlights these times where we should be thankful. 

What are you thankful for?

Perhaps it's your family, many don't have one, and some don't speak to their own. Be thankful.

Maybe it's your beloved country, a country in two conflicts, and in the worst economic crisis in 70 years, but turning a corner and heading down a new path, a path we should be proud of. Be thankful.

Maybe it's your health, that you're alive after what must now be a decade of a full-on chemical assault on your body and mind. Be thankful.

Maybe it's your friends-- those pieces of shit you hang out with. Those guys or girls that know how laughably imperfect and irreparably screwed up you truly are-- and still want to hang with you. Be thankful.

Maybe it's your success, you have money, you're eating, you're clothed, you're educated, and you're not warring with your neighbor for life's barest necessities. Be thankful.

Maybe you don't give a rat's ass about any of the above-mentioned, and as such, are a thankless curmudgeon-fuckbag. That's fine. So long as you're thankful for the following:

 

Be thankful that you watch college football on Saturdays. If you were a Miami fan, you wouldn't be doing anything on Saturdays, except maybe watch the Gators.

Be thankful that we might have the greatest football team in our school's great history.

Be thankful that the Gators beat their rival for the 5th straight time. 

Be thankful you got into the University of Florida-- cause you couldn't now, not a chance. If you applied today, you'd be cheering the losing side of last Saturday's game. 

Be thankful, very thankful, for the Timbow-- the paragon of college athletics, a Gator, like yourself.

Be thankful we're going to Atlanta-- where the greatest game in SEC history will be played.

Be thankful for your Gator alumni friends. Friendships forged in the brickyards of Turlington, quenched in the nectar of University Avenue barrooms, and continued worldwide in the football seasons every fall.

Be thankful you're a Gator, for anything less would be uncivilized.

(Note: I'm in the middle of law school finals. I am writing still, but the frequency will be less, as I'm sure many have noticed. I will post two more postings. One on the prior game, and one on the upcoming game. Please be patient, I promise it'll be worth the wait. Thanks, MGN)

Black Friday - FSU

Forgive me for not posting a series of hostile postings. I've been studying for law school finals. Actually, "studying" connotes that I've learned the material when I was supposed to, which is indeed not the case. I'm "learning" and that's what's been keeping me. Sorry, but this will be short and without depth.

Is there a better way to prepare for the SEC Championship Game than playing hated rival FSU at Tallahassee? An away game. A rivalry. A time to make a statement. A win tomorrow and we might be, with an Oklahoma loss, heading to Atlanta ranked #2.  An SEC Championship Game with a #1 vs. #2? Sick, and a first.

Anywho, the line is 16.5 and that's saying something: The Noles are fucked. FSU, like other teams before them, have no answer for our offense. Our defense will overwhelm and force turnovers. Our special teams must come through big, and will. 

I have a feeling that FSU will come out flat. I don't know why, but maybe it's because of pregame speeches like this. Sorry, Bob, but such enthusiasm will not carry the day 'gainst the mighty Gators.

They will fall, we will rise.

Go Make History.

Go Gators.

Blinged Newton.

Cam Newton is this week's much-deserving bling victim.

Sir Newton's brilliance is blinding. Let's review the allegations:

Newton stole a laptop from another student's dorm room. Nothing too stupid there, save for the larceny and burglary. 

Then, Clever Cameron used the computer to get online, logging onto the University of Florida network, and creating a perfect track for campus authorities to trace. Tight work!

And then, Newton writes his name "CAM NEWTON" on the lid of the laptop. I can't figure out why he would do this. Then again, I'm not a fucking moron. Perhaps the thinking goes as follows: "It has my name on it, it can't be yours." Kinda like how one wrote their name on their stuff in grade school. That's my burnt umber crayon, stealer! Gimme!

Cam's boundless intelligence doesn't end there. Florida 5-0 show up and query Newton 'bout his hot 'puter. Cameron doesn't know what they're talking about, Willis. Very well then. This laptop right here? Peep it, it's mine, check the name, copper! In that case, you wouldn't mind signing this Search and Seizure Waiver, would you, braniac? Of course not, replied nimble Newton. Privacy rights are for the birds.

So, the boys in blue leave, but not without recording the serial number of the laptop. They cross-reference the number with the one reported stolen from the hapless student. Voila. A match! 

Cops return. Cam doesn't have a laptop. What are you even talking about? Stop this harassment. I've called my lawyer. OOOooooo!

Good. Holler at him and maybe he can help you explain why we found that laptop in the dumpster outside your dorm window.

Turn around, place your hands behind your back. 

Leave the apple here.

Off the Wires.

From the Monday morning press conference:

Patchan and Marsh are out. Brandon Antwine (back) will not practice the beginning of this week. As such, Torrey Davis is likely to be moved to nose tackle anchoring the 3-man front with Terron Sanders and Jaye Howard. I don't foresee this being much of an issue. Davis is getting better every time he gets out on the field, Howard is reportedly improving and will benefit from the playing time. The Noles don't have a powerful running threat. Missing our starters may alleviate some pressure on Pounder, but that's it-- I think/hope.

Chas Henry will be the Gators' 3rd string QB as Cam Newton resolves his laptop issues. Henry was a stud QB at East Paulding High School in Dallas, GA.  He threw for 1,700 yards as a junior with the Raiders. He's an outstanding punter, I prefer to keep him that way. 

Percy Harvin will be the 4th string QB. Percy has been taking some direct snaps in practice. Percy is Percy. He could go out there and be the drum major and still manage to score several times. No fretting is merited here.

Meyer's thoughts on Newton.

Tebow's says he's ready for war against FSU.

Sun Sports Tonight and Tomorrow.

Every Gators' favorite channel, Sun Sports, is rebroadcasting the Citadel scrimmage tomorrow at 11 pm.

Also, Chris Doering and the gang take a look back at the rivalry between the Gators and the noles tonight on Sun Sports' Tailgate Overtime. The show will air at 6:30 pm in South Florida and at 10:30 pm for central and north Florida.

If you can catch it, catch it.

Here's the schedule for Sun Sports.

Goosepimples.

We're not going to talk about last Saturday's game. The Gators won-- that's all thou needst to know. It's time to prepare for FSU. I'll be writing something shortly. Until then, enjoy this goosebumpy video of the Gators greatest highlights sent by the Jota.

Go win.

Go Gators.

Newton Arrested, Charged with Felonies.

Cameron Newton, the backup QB, has been arrested and charged with burglary, larceny, and obstruction of justice by witness retaliation-- all felonies.

Peep his booking detail hurr.

Newton allegedly stole a Dell laptop from a student's dorm. The laptop was worth $1,700. The fuzz showed up to Cameron's Keys dorm room to ask him about the laptop. 

The cops noticed that the serial number on Cam's laptop (which had the words "Cam Newton" written on the lid-- they'll never figure it out!) matched the serial number on the victim-student's missing laptop (oops).

Oh shit. Time to holler at a lawyer. Which is what Cameron should've done before signing a Search and Seizure Waiver. Genius thinking, Sir Isaac.

Anyway, the cops returned, but the laptop was-- poof-- gone! Well, at least missing again, until it popped up in the dumpster outside his dorm. 

UPD arrested Newton and booked him at 2:30 pm.

See ya later, former Gator. He's been indefinitely suspended from the team. Thanks for making the decision for successor quarterback to the Timbow so easy, dumbfuck.

The Hand Up Mona Lisa's Skirt.

In the spirit of law school, hell, and objectivity, I'm going to play devil's advocate. The Gators cannot run the ball in between the tackles-- at least not with Rainey, Demps, and Harvin. It never works. 

Ok, it's worked once or twice, but that was when teams didn't know who Demps or Rainey were. And even then, it only worked with the line spread wider than your girl's stems. Now, teams know. Now, it doesn't work anymore. 

But Mullen still calls the play. Sometimes out of a single-back formation! Why? To that question I haven't the faintest idea. But I do know why the plays don't work: The Law of Momentum.

Let's use Jeff Demps as an example. Jeffery Demps is 5-8 and 174 lbs. He may be faster than a speeding bullet, but he's no Superman.

It's a matter of simple physics: when bodies of unequal masses collide, the body with the lesser mass will not transfer its momentum in any appreciable degree to the body with the greater mass. Savvy?

Let's put it in degenerate terms: You're playing pool, and you're drunk so you're playing well. You're about to pocket the 8 and in so doing, have your 9 pitchers, 2 Irish car bombs, and manifold Jagers paid for. When you hit the cue ball (without any english), it strikes the 8 ball, dead on. 

What happens? You jump up and call your boy a bitch, naturally. But what happened on the table? The 8 ball moves, the cue ball stops. Ok. Why? Because both balls (ha, he said balls, Beavis) are of equal mass, the momentum of the cue ball transfers into the struck 8 ball with little-to-no energy lost. The 8 ball moves at near the same velocity as the cue ball-- it loses some because of friction and the loss of energy in the form of heat. The cue ball stops moving because it transfers almost all of its momentum into the 8 ball.

Ok, now, what happens when the cue ball and the 8 ball have unequal masses? Imagine the cue ball has its same mass (x) and the 8 ball has a mass 1.5 - 2 times the mass of the cue ball (say, 1.75x).  Now, try it again, and call the pocket this time. What's going to happen? You're paying the tab, that's what's going to happen, Fast Eddie. The reason you're buying is because the cue ball would rebound at nearly the same velocity in which it struck the more massive 8 ball (not that kinda of 8-ball). It's called impulse. Almost no momentum from the cue ball transfers into the 8 ball. The cue ball retains almost all of its momentum and goes in the opposite direction at nearly the same velocity with which it struck the 8 ball.

WTF does this all mean? Did I drive here? Are we at Crobar?

It means that since Jeffery Demps weighs 174 lbs., and he runs into, say, a 320-pound lineman, the fact that Demps runs a 7 -second 100 m. will make only a negligible difference in energy transfer. He'll retain that momentum and it will recoil him backwards. This is how people die in car accidents. More importantly, this is how people fumble. People like the 1,2,3 boys: Demps, Rainey, and Harvin. No amount of ball-carrying practice or drills will offset the fundamental laws of energy and momentum. 

In short, stop running the fucking ball in between the tackles with Jeffery Demps, Chris Rainey, or Percy Harvin, science is not on your side.

Go Nature.

Go Gators.

EXPOSED!

(AP Photo/John Bazemore)

UM sucks. Agreed? 

Georgia Tech sucks. Agreed?

Good. Glad we agree on that. Miami was slaughtered last night. Praise the Football Gods. 

Analcysts on ESPN were loving the Who all week long, and now, they're reaping it. The Hurricanes were ranked for the first time in 3 years and got booted out in 5 days.

I normally don't engage in such shadenfreude, but this was so delightful, I can't contain myself. Anyone else feel great because the Canes perished in flames?

Go Yellow Jackets!

Heisman Harvin

Ol' Bill sent this link in which Mike Freeman persuasively argues Percy for Heisman. It's not going to happen, and Freeman knows that, but it's an interesting argument. 

Consider that Harvin plays, and has played, against the best defenses in the country-- and shined. Harvin's ability to elude defenders is second to none. And, again, he does this in the SEC-- the most defense-intensive conference in the NCAA. 

Harvin is the most dangerous person with a football in college football. He need not do more to prove this.

Yet there is some doubt as to whether Harvin's skill set will transfer to the NFL with success. A good question-- kind of like who's your father. Look, son, Harvin is football fast. That means his lateral speed is equal or close to his straight-ahead speed. Both speeds are world class. Both are desired in the NFL. Percy's dynamism is refreshing in a time when players have become so specialized that even a great slot receiver cannot perform as a decent wideout. Any NFL team will find a place for such dynamism. And yet, Freeman proffers that Harvin's numbers are a product of Meyer al la Alex Smith. 

I disagree.

Percy Harvin's numbers come from his ability to move explosively in any direction he chooses, not from Dan Mullen's play-calling, I assure you. Percy can stop just as fast as he can start. He can weave and spin and slip tackles. He moves are deliberate and calculating, unlike others who rely on spinning and kicking like they're playing fucking Madden. He can take it between the tackles (admittedly, sometimes getting killed and fumbling in the process). As Meyer correctly points out, Harvin has the best first step in college football. It's Harvin's Ferrari-like capacity to instantly hit top end that makes Percy so dangerous. He is smart enough to make a move to throw a defender off balance, and quick enough so that even the slightest mistake can cost a defender dearly. All of this would happen regardless of where Percy is playing-- the NCAA or in the NFL, in Florida or any other school.

Percy Harvin will not win the Heisman trophy. People don't know what he looks like. He's not tall. He doesn't showboat. He doesn't talk trash. He doesn't throw the ball. He comes from a "gimmicky" offense. He doesn't play Pop Warner in the Big 12. 

He just does his thing: score, quickly and often. And I'll take that over a Heisman any day, and twice on Saturday.

Go Harvin.

Go Gators.

Gator Belle - Britany Raymond

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Hotlanta Gets Hotter.

Gainesville.com reports that the first daughter of Florida Football is going to Georgia Tech to play volleyball. 

Nicki Meyer, Urban's eldest daughter, signed her letter of intent on Monday with her family present.

We here at MGN wish her the best, until she plays Mary Wise's Gator Volleyball team, at which point we hope she goes down in flames.

 The Gators' Women Volleyball team is presently ranked 14th in the nation.

Go Meyer.

Go Gators.

(image by Aaron Daye/Staff Photgrapher for Gainesville Sun)

WWBD?

If…..

-You could walk on water

-Learned the art of breaking down film at the age of 9

-Held to honor of being the only head coach in NFL history to win 3 Super Bowls within 4 years.

-Ate deadly Costa Rican poisonous dart frogs instead of skittles

-Boasted being 2nd in NFL playoff wins only trailing a gridiron great whose name alone denotes championship ( Vince Lombardi )


Where would you go for advice?

Would you climb the highest peak to find a sage and study the Foundational Practices of Tibetan Buddhism?


Would you hike into the depths of the Amazon to drink Ayahuasca in eager search of enlightenment?


You could possibly crash a Mensa meeting to pick the brains of humans who score at the 98th percentile on a standardized IQ test.

Nah fuck that...

When the Mastermind wizard donning the cut-off sweatshirt named Bill Belichick needs some tips on X’s and O’s he skips over the regulars: Bill Parcells, Stephen Hawking, Charlie Weis, Mike Shanahan, Bobby Fischer

He calls Urban Meyer.

And he leaves a message, because our football coach doesn’t have time to focus on anything else besides Gator Football. This is Urban warfare.....fuck the hospitality.

Gators Pick Up 4-Star 2009 Commit

The Gators have picked up Rivals.com 4-star commit, Nick Kasa, a 6-7, 245 lbs., strong-side defensive end. Kasa can run the 40 in 4.6 seconds. He's from Broomfield, Colorado, and considered offers from Miami, California, Notre Dame, Nebraska, Oregon, and Colorado. 

Kasa settled on the Gators after UF's Cock spanking in the Swamp. Kasa is the Gators' 13th 2009 commitment.

Go Get Honored.

Percy Harvin (JR) was named the SEC Offensive Player of the Week for his gangster performance against the Cocks last Saturday. Harvin finished with 167 yards, on 8 rushes, and two TD's.

Jermaine Cunningham (JR) was named the SEC Defensive Lineman of the Week for the Cock beating he delivered. Cunningham had 8 tackles, 2 for loss, a forced fumble, a pass deflection, and half a sack.

---- Random Links---

DB sent me this link. Seems like they're talkin' 'bout dem Gators out west, too. 

ESPN.com's Schlabach and Feldman project the Gators to play the Red Raiders in the BCS National Championship Game.

Recognize.

Cock Slapped.

Spurrier Cold-Cocked

No amount of visor-tossing or Viagra could help the normally cocksure Spurrier or his impotent Cocks in Gainesville Saturday afternoon. Mighty Florida would teach South Carolina the hard lesson that you don't bring a cock to a Gator fight. And blogs, placards, and drunken fans alike, would teach Spurrier that losing is worse when you have the most double entendre-rich team name in sports history.

 

O, the incidental comedy of sports!

Let's start where games are won: The D.

The best defense in the SEC is the Florida Gators, verily. Conversation over. Don't take it from me, I lie, but numbers don't. The Gator D is 1st in redzone defense (60%), 1st in turnover margin (+15), 1st in interceptions (17), 1st in scoring defense (11.3), 2nd in total defense (274.9 yds./game), 2nd in rushing defense (102 yds./game), and 4th in passing defense (172.2 yds./game). 

Stiff D Makes Cocks Impotent.

Scoring on Florida is the exception, not the rule. The Gators' 11.3 points per game average was helped this Saturday by keeping the Cocks offense flaccid, limiting them to an anticlimactic two field goals. Against our big D, the Cocks were short on the ground with only 54 yards. Gators stuffed any holes a Cock could go through. Cock-stuffer Cunningham had 8 tackles, half a sack, and forced a fumble. Dunlap, who doesn't even start, dun good and got his 6th sack of the season (tied for 2nd in the SEC). 

Converting third downs against Florida is the exception, not the rule. Opponents have converted less than 30% of their 3rd down attempts (40/134). Florida forced 10 punts out of the Cocks, 8 of which were 3 and outs. The Florida linebacking corps is playing lights out. Every game it's someone new coming up and accompanying General Spikes and terminating the enemy.This week's cockswain was Brandon Hicks. Hicks hurried one pass and deflected another resulting in two interceptions out of the Stinky Cock. Hicks would later come free on the blindside and pulverize the Stinky Cock into chicken droppings. 

Getting picked off by Florida is the rule, not the exception. Florida leads the SEC with 17 picks, averaging 25.9 per return, 5 of which have been for six. This season 11 different players on the Florida defense have at least 1 interception. The Gators intercepted Stinky and the other guy 3 times. General Spikes grabbed his 3rd interception for the year, and took it to the house for the 2nd time this year. Ahmad Black, who attracts passes like a fucking magnet, got his 6th pick this season, he's tied for the lead in the SEC and nation in total picks and picks to the crib. The freshmen got nasty too, the Thrill got his first pick of the season, and Jenkins broke up two passes that would've resulted in first downs.

Gators' O Show Cocks Their "O" Face.

For real, this shit's just getting crazy stupid. I haven't seen a Cock beating this bad since I was 13 and discovered my old man's stash. 

The Gators' O have laid waste to every highly-ranked SEC defense. Merciless Percy ran the ball 8 times, scored twice, and gained 167 yards in the process of being a badass. I swear this guy's made of water. Every time defenders try to grab him, he flows through their grasp, finding the path of least resistance. He moves more proactively than reactively. In the post-game press conference Meyer said it's Percy's peerless first step that makes him so elusive. Fact is that the guy's amazing and not even legally allowed to drink. Percy's performance was enough to get the Jota to retract his statement that Demps is better than Percy. For now.

Touchdown Timbow (which, btw, I heard some Sun Sports announcer call him "Timbow" last week and claim to have made up the hybrid name. Eh, no, I did.) had two td's in the air, and ran one down the Cocks' throat for his 11th rushing touchdown . Timbow was again taken out early per the mercy rule. 

The Freaky Freshmen got some too. Deonte Thompson, the redshirt freshness, had 3 catches, including a 46 yd. six pointer. Demps was a blue streak again averaging a nonhuman 10+ yards per carry and scoring on a 38 yd. td run. Rainey averaged 7.9 yards on 7 carries. Moody ran with murderous intent again, hungry for his first score. He broke a run for 36, and broke some Cockheads on his shorter gains.

In fact, there were 4 Gators with at least 1 rushing td, and 5 with at least 39 yards rushing. The Gators ran all over the Cocks for a total of 346 yards. 

Bristol, Connecticut's Hernandez put on for his city making an obscenely good catch and the ESPN highlights.

Especially Special

Unsurprisingly, le special teams played outfuckingstanding. No Cock blocks this game. But there were some cockamamie shenanigans. Dunno why, but the Ole Ball Cock called for a throw-back lateral on a kick return. Uh, no: James Smith recovered the ball on the Cock one yard line. 

Brandon James averaged 22 yards a kickoff return, and returned one punt 39 yards. The Gators punted 6 times, of which none were returned, 4 were inside the 20, and one was 60 yards. Shit, even the backup punter had a 44 yarder inside the 20. 

Blinged Calathes

"I Make It Rain!"

From now on, we here at MGN will be Blinging a new person each week, and no, blinging doesn't mean what you think it does, scumbag.

This week we go after Nick Calathes, a Florida guard who is down 6-hunnie from gambling online. Calathes told NCAA officials that he's up for the year, so he's not sweating it. And, moreover, Nick says, Dupay owes him "like a G, so if anything, I'll just get it from Ted and put, like, 400 on black."

Understood. Nick balls till he falls.

What you think of that?

Anywho, this is a call for y'all to make your own blingees. Below you'll find the simple directions on how to do one. By the middle of the week, or whenever I get around to it, MGN will select a winner.

How to make a blingee:

1. Get an image of the person to be blinged. You can do so by doing a google image search. Click here and pick one if you're too high, dumb, or lazy to do it yourself. 
   
2. Save the image to your 'puter, or copy the link.
3. Go to www.blingee.com
4. Follow the 2 steps to make your blingee.
5. Copy the link and post it as a comment on this page. 
6. Winner gets a lock of my hair.

Gator Belle - Lauren Anderson

Lauren Anderson is a Florida Gator, Miss July 2002, girlfriend of Gator B-Baller Matt Walsh, FoxxyNews.com anchor, and most importantly, this month's Gator Belle.

Click here to see Lauren's pics.

Go Gators.

Gator Girls in Bikinis.

Gator Country is putting out their Girls of Gator Country Calendar. You can pre-order yours here. Gator Lauren Anderson, Matt Walsh's flame, is the cover girl. 

God bless the Gator Nation. Keep up the good breeding.

Now go wash your hands.

Earth and Water.

As you lean back in your chair behind your desk, feigning diligence and productivity, imagine the following for a moment. Close your eyes. Actually, wait, don't because then you can't read this:

Picture the Reitz Union. You, your boys, and some fine, 18-20 year-old girls are conversing about what to do that night. Maybe head to the Bank? Martiny's or 238-- they have those badass fire-breathing bartenders there (no jokes about that incident, fuckers), you know. It's one of those gorgeous Gainesville November days: 63 degrees, no clouds, 30% humidity. Spanish moss hangs lazily from the giant venerable oaks. The Later Gator scoops up some waiting students. A bird chirps. A squirrel nibbles a nut. Young Gators walk to class, flanked by buildings of brick, stone, and glass. This is college. This is the Gator experience. These are the ties that bond the Gator Nation.

Then, as you're lost in the glorious beauty of youth, Tim Tebow punches your boy in the mouth, relieving him of his skull, shuffling him off the mortal coil. Then Will Hill stabs your other homeboy in the face with a pencil. Brandon Spikes and Major Wright grab the nearest chair and bash the purity out of the Gator belles with whom you were just speaking. 

You can't believe it. Is this the apocalypse? Choking on the tears and blood, you drop to your knees and cry out: This is blasphempy! This is madness!

Wrong.

This is FSU on Wednesday.

Gators v. Cocks, Meyer v. Spurrier, Old v. New

The Ole Ball Coach (OBC) returns to the Swamp this Saturday to try and screw the Gators. Last time he tried that, he was cock blocked by 6-5 Jarvis Moss in the most important play in Florida Football history.

This time the game  overshadows the Spurrier plot line. The Gators cannot lose if they want to remain in the title picture. The OBC would like nothing more than to crush Meyer and the Gators' title hopes. Spurrier is arguably the greatest coach in Florida Football, but should Meyer and the Gator boys win another championship, the argument will swing in Meyer's favor. Meyer will then, inarguably, be the greatest coach in Florida Football.

The clash of the old and new will take place in the Swizzamp, scheduled for 3:30 on CBS. The Cocks come into the Swamp with the number one ranked defense in the SEC and 3rd nationally. The Gators have the number one ranked offense the SEC and the 7th ranked scoring offense in the country.

South Carolina's defense will be a challenge, no doubt. The Gators have yet to face such a defense this year. Or have they? Kentucky came into the Swamp with their defense ranked first in the SEC. The Gators put up 63 points on the kittens. Then, Vanderbilt had the highest ranked defense. The Gators put up 359 points in the first quarter.

I have seen no defense presently playing in college football that can stop the Gator offense. If you think I'm wrong, then tell me, but I think you'd be hard-pressed to present an argument otherwise. In the game's strongest defensive conference, the Gators have the country's most proven offense. The Gators are putting  points in the same fashion as the 1996 Gator National Champions. Against Georgia: 49, LSU: 51, Kentucky: 63, Arkansas: 38, Vanderbilt: 42.

The Timbow continues to impress, which is, er, impressive. He is more efficient as evidenced by his 1st half performance against the 'Dores. The Timbow is first in the SEC (you know, that conference where defenses actually try and cover people) in passing efficiency and 10th in the nation. He is ranked first, by far, in that same conference in points responsible for (18 per game!). His singular focus and intense preparation will likely show in spectacular fashion when He returns back to the Swamp. This is clearly a different Tebow than the one who could not gain one yard on 4th down against the Rebels. All his teammates report that the Timbow is having fun again and playing like the Heisman Timbow. One can see it in his running alone. He's putting his head down and running more on his instincts and less on designed plays. The return of the Timbow plow, defenses will look to spy or crash, leaving open the threat of the option pass or the play fake. 

Defenses cannot sleep on Florida's wide receivers who have been nothing short of perfect lately. 3 different receivers caught td passes from Timbow in the dominating win over Vandy. Harvin is scoring every other time he touches the ball. Hernandez has been consistent and reliable. Murphy has been cash-money. Deonte Thompson is now in the mix, having tasted the endzone and hungry to score again. Demps and Rainey are probably the most dangerous check-down, out-of-the-backfield threats in the game. And Carl Moore wants more people to know his name. 

It doesn't get much better than this, and if you ask the OBC, the Gators are better than the 2006 Champions. Spurrier also says this year's Cocks are better than the 2006 Cocks, but frankly, a cock's a cock, and in the Swamp, only Gators get out alive.

It may not get better than this for the offense, but the defense just keeps rising. The Gators are first in the SEC and 4th in the nation in scoring defense. The OBC has been raving about his Cock defense, ranked first in the SEC in total defense. That's nice, but where it counts: points scored, the Cocks have allowed more than the Gators, and both have faced the same opponents. The Gators have allowed only 107 points scored against them this season. The Cocks have allowed 156. Both have played Ole Miss, LSU, Georgia, Tennessee, Vanderbilt, Kentucky, and Arkansas.

Finally, the play of the special teams has usually carried the day when these two meet up. Everyone remembers the Cock Block. Jarvis Moss, bless him. This matchup will likely have the same Cock stuffing, but with new names and faces. Demps, James, Dunlap, and the entire Gator punt coverage team will be plucking the Cock's feathers. If the Gators make any big play on special teams, then the game's over. The Swamp will go nuts. The stadium's collective memory will kick in and inspire the Gators to play harder. That's the beauty of big special teams play, the lingering motivating effects on the offense and defense.

Meyer's constitution disallows him to be second. He will use this game to make a statement. A statement that he, not the coach on the east sideline, is the greatest coach in Florida Football history.

Vegans got Gators as 22.5 point faves. 

Take it, they'll cover. 

I'll see you on Saturday, Gators.

(tip of the hat to the Jota for the pic)

Lee Humphrey in Deustchland

Earlier today I was chatting with an old friend and blog follower, Philsy, when he told me that he saw Lee Humphrey playing D-1 ball in Deutschland.

Kinda sucks to see that his boys made it and he didn't, but it's cool to see Gators 'round the globe. 

Gator Tuesdays.

Sun Sports, the greatest channel on Earth, will be re-broadcasting the Gator game tonight at 11.

I don't know why they're playing the whole game again. All that's relevant is the first half. Still should be fun to watch though.

Meyer Fucking With the Ole Ball Coach?

Herald blogger, Jo Goodman, observes that Meyer has referred to himself as the "head football coach" of Florida a couple of times in recent days, and argues that Meyer's 3rd person referrals are a not-so-subtle mockery of Spurrier. 

Honestly, I don't know. I don't think so, but I wouldn't think Meyer incapable of such conduct. Urban can be quite the motherfucker. However, Meyer is in fact the head football coach of the Florida Gators, so strictly speaking, he's doing nothing but stating a fact. 

But, placed against the prevalence of Spurrier's moniker, Goodman might be right. What'd Richty say about Meyer's use of the last two time outs after beating Richt's pups like they stole something? 

"Perfectly legal," said the head pup. 

Meyer's remarks may be mildly imply some contention, but, they are perfectly legal.

Game Against Citadel So Good, it's on PPV.

No network wants to carry the Citadel game because they're afraid of showing that much ass-spanking fun. As such, the folks over at Sun Sports are offering the game on PPV in Florida only (I think it's only Florida). 

Consider buying it, it's karmic and you need it. The proceeds go to the University of Florida Libraries. 

Gators Break Down Dores.

Southeastern Conference, Eastern Division Champions.

Get some.

Went to Bar-B-Q Beach (15 and Washington) to watch the game with the Miami Gator Club. Food was awesome and very reasonably priced. Kate's Plates hasn't written it up yet, but I'm optimistic they will. Domestic pitchers were a dangerous $7 for the Gators with an ID stating they were so. Tons of tv's and Gators and places to sit. Everything one needs to watch their beloved Gators annihilate the Harvard of the South. 

The game was over early.

After the 1st quarter the He15man text messages were sent out. I won't get into it too much now, but let's say that Timmy's back in the hunt. Wall Street Gator sent a text message that, I believe, encapsulated the Gators position nicely: 

It's 2006 All Over Again!

Indeed, it seems that way, minus the economic meltdown. The things that needed to happen, happened. The Pennsylvania State University Football Team is no longer being taken seriously after losing to Iowa. Iowa? Buwahahahahha. I didn't even know that state still existed! Thank God.

Alabama won a close one at LSU in OT. Game should not have been that close, but the immaturity of Bama's players showed and kept the Tigers in the game. It does not appear to most that the Tide will be able to roll over the Gators in the SEC dance in Atlanta. Got your ticket? 

At the post game press conference, Meyer announced that he will have a state of the union on Sunday at 4:30 with the Gators to go over the BCS picture. More on this in a later post. 

One thing at a time. Breath.

By the time that highlight reel of a first quarter was over, our table was drunk as sailors and happy as clams. Timbow would throw 2 more touchdowns, including one where he stayed in a collapsing pocket and heaved it to David Nelson 41 yds. for 6 points with 8 seconds left in the half.

In fact, most of Timbow's yards, and all of his scores came in the first half. And, the Timbow's stats, like the Timbow of old, were godly again: pass: 12/17, 171 yds., 3 tds., rush: 11 rushes, 88 yds, 2 tds. He was named the SEC Offensive Player of the Week.

It makes sense though. Timmy gets help from He (some guy named Phil) who gives him strength. Let's hope such strength isn't a banned substance.

Must mention the horrid call. The ball was on the ground, Percy was in the endzone, and the referee's head was up his ass. Striped Gator haters.

The remainder of the game was generally uneventful. Brantley came in and did okay until he threw a pick. The Dores drove the ball and scored twice. Nickson, the Dores' back up QB was responsible for both. Don't fret. We had our 2nd and 3rd string defense in there.

The defense played at a high, high level again, and gained Meyer's admiration (which is the only thing one could ever want). Black's interception was his 5th of the season and was setup by a nasty hit on a saftey blitz by Will "the Thrill" Hill that sent Mackenzie Adams to the sidelines shaken up. The Thrill was omnipresent with a team-high 11 tackles against the Dores. B-Spikes was great logging 7 tackles, with Haden and Wright making 6 each. 

Since the Ole Miss loss, all of the points scored against the D have been cheap. Even before the loss, the Gators were one of the the stingiest defenses in the country. In fact, the Gators have only trailed once all season, and then they scored, but, as we all remember, missed the extra point to give Ole Miss their wet dream of the season.

Special teams are, in Meyer's word, a weapon. Carlos Dunlap blocked two with his big mitts. That'll be sure to get him some more playing time under Meyer. The Gators are now 12-0 under Meyer when they block a punt. James didn't get to showcase much, mostly a result of trying to field rugby punts. Chas Henry continues to be the SEC's premier punter, and he's never used! One thing that went under the radar: Did you see Demps return a kickoff? Oh, man. If this guy gets a running start, no one can get him. Putting him back there to return kickoffs will likely prove fruitful. Rainey had a nice-looking return against the pups last week. Perhaps Meyer is testing out the waters. Me likes.

We're clickin'. Clock's tickin'. And the analcysts are pickin' as long as we keep winnin'.

Injuries: A.J. Jones is injured but not seriously. Carl Johnson's status is uncertain.

How's Loserville?

Bergwood.net offers a funny way to talk smack to your rivals. Send the Seminole/Canes/Dawg fan in your life a card expressing your affection for their team.

Penn St. Just Lost.

Coming in to drop a quick post. Penn St. just lost cause like I said, that's what losers do!.

Got your tickets to ATL?

How about Miami?

Go Gators.

Gameday, bitches.

clinch   [klinch]  
–verb (used with object)
 to settle (a matter) decisively: After they clinched the deal they went out to celebrate.

It's time to put the women and children to bed and start looking for supper.

It's clinch time, bitches. Get some.

Vegans have us as 24 point faves. That's a scary line. I don't know, it might be an over-line. Vandy has a good defense, they don't give up a lot of points. But, then again, Kentucky had the best defense in the SEC and they got manhandled. 

It's important that the Gators play with intensity and passion today. Vandy always plays us tough and we're at their house. The Harvard of the South would, undoubtedly, love to spoil the Gators' chances at the big dance. Not to mention that a Vandy win would create a 3-way tie in the SEC East between the Gators, 'Dores, and Dawgs. Vandy would have two more SEC games left in Kentucky and Tennessee and own the tie-break with Florida.

But that's not what's going to happen. Right?

Damn right. 

Predictions

These predictions are straight from the gut, where the truth lies. 

1. Game score: 35-10, Gators. The Gators will score early, but will let go of the reigns and give the ball to Brantley and remain conservative against a Vandy defense that isn't going to lie down and allow the Gators to beat them soundly at home.
2. Moody has a big day. This guy is hungry. He wants no one but himself at his position. He's competing. He's running hard and violently, and looks to make a statement to his coaches whenever he gets the ball.
3. Percy big day. Percy has been killing it efficiently. The touches are few, but the results are many. I'm not the only one who thinks so. 
4. We'll be talked of as the most powerful team in college football, provided 'Bama wins a close one in Death Valley.

I'll see you on the field.

Go Gators.

Gator Girl's Hubby Is Gator Bait

So my boy, Ol' Bill, sent this link to me and my Gator faithful. In the latest example of Gator domination, homegirl here gator chomped her husband's thigh because the guy's a bitch, or pup, or loser-- tomato/tomatoe, you know? Gators like to eat dogs, and beat them in front of thousands on national television. What's the news here?

Anyway, according to the story, Veronica Hairston punched the pup in the face and then rode out to go find a Gator husband. Her husband, not content enough with having himself and team get beaten, decided to do some dignity destruction of his own and had his wife arrested for battery. 

Wait, beating Georgia fans is illegal? No shit?  

As I told my e-mail chain, intercollegiate dating does not work in the SEC. If you're a Gator girl and need some lovin', just holler at me, I like the biters.

Go Gators.

Gators Better Since Losing, Go Figure.

They say that adversity doesn't build character, it reveals it. 

After the loss to Ole Miss the Timbow told the Gator Nation that they would never see another player play and practice as hard as he and his team would. The team's character is being revealed-- and everyone's talking about it.

Ever since the home loss the Gators' offense has outscored opponents 201-43 with Timbow running for 6 td's and throwing 8. His passer rating is a 162.7 (cool web thing that computes the rating for you). His 2 picks places the Gators as the league's 2nd best in interception percentage with a 1.05, behind Penn St (2 picks, but a .79%, go figure) who hasn't even actually played a men's football team this season. The Gators' scoring offense ranks 7th in the NCAA and shows now sign on letting up. 

Everyone else around the Timbow is playing better too. Since Ole Miss the 1,2,3 Boys have been straight killing it. Percy has ran the ball for 2 td's and caught 5. Demps has logged 3 td's on the ground and 1 in the air. Rainey has one score on the ground but has had defenses going crazy trying to keep up with him allowing the Timbow to distribute the ball to his other weapons.

The offense makes the ESPN highlight reel, but the defense wins the game. Florida's defense has been nothing short of stifling. Spikes and the D have held opponents to under an average of 10.75 points a game since the Ole Miss loss. It's all about turnovers and capitalizing on them. 

The Gators are first in the NCAA in turnover margin with a 1.75. The Gators have forced 20 turnovers and given up only 6. The big story is the play of the secondary. Gone are the days of the secondary being the weakness on defense, now it's their strength. The Gators are 10th in passing defense efficiency. Ahmad Black has 4 picks, 2 returned for td's and Spikes has 1. Freshmen Janoris Jenkins has played beyond the expectations of even his biggest proponents. The Gators' new 3 safety rotation of Hill, Black, and Wright has proved to be fruitful.  Every player on the secondary is playing at a higher level every game, especially Joe "Cool" Haden who had 10 tackles, 7 solo, and 1 pick against the pups.

But it's a team effort. The Gators' defense is ranked 5th in the NCAA in scoring defense, allowing 11.6 points per game. The general, Brandon Spikes, leads the team with 59 tackles. Haden is second with 50. The Gators have held some of the league's most explosive offenses to less than 6 yds. per pass. Probably most impressively, the D has smothered opponents in keeping them to under 11.63 points per game-- that's under two touchdowns, and it's 5th in the NCAA. 

The special teams have been just that-- special. The Gators are 2nd in the league with punt return average of 20.14 yards-- and that's when teams actually punt to James. James has two punt returns for td's and has several tackles on special teams too. Meyer's logic of making players earn their time by placing them on special teams has yielded some of the most positive returns for the Gators yet. Demps is a singular example blocking something like 2 punts in addition to being the resident badass in the backfield. Field goal defense has been good. And of course, punt coverage is second to none in the league.

Would the Gators be better off without the loss to Ole Miss? Uh, yeah. But they might not have been able to beat the big teams that they have had they not faced the adversity of losing at home and having the Timbow make promises that the Gators' asses have cashed. 

One thing remains clear: The Timbow keeps his word. 

"And one admiral's daughter!" - Name that movie.

Go Gators.

Next Level Game Viewing.

Check out this guy's badass setup for watching the Gators. All that's missing is a stripper pole and mirrored table (for the strippies to dance on, silly).

Newton in Neck Brace

Cam Newton was involved in a car accident and now has to wear a neck brace.  The accident was minor and he'll be fine and back to warming the bench very soon. He'll travel with the team to Vanderbilt.

In completely unrelated news, if you're a UF alumnus, then you can roll to Costa Rica for 10 days for under 2K with a whole bunch of other Gator alumni. You know what they have a lot of in Costa, right? Golfing and fishing. 

Orders From The Top: Change

In what was probably the most controversial topic of this historic presidential race, President-elect Obama discusses his wishes for an NCAA football playoff. 

McCain could only talk about ending steroid abuse, which is probably why he lost he election. 

God Bless America, and the Gators.

So Nice I Could Watch it Twice.

Yeah, it's election day, but the Gators pulled out a huge win and it's time to go over the game tape. Prioritize.

If you're in the great state of Florida, have basic cable, and are up at 11 PM tonight, then you can catch the re-broadcast of the Gator thrashing of the pups on Sun Sports. 

When Did You Become a Gator?

I saw this commercial when I was watching "Breakfast with the Gators" on SunSports this Sunday morning with the Chicken and Wall Street Gator. I'm a fool for everything Gator, so this one gave me goose-pimples. 

I went to the website, www.insidethegatornation.com, and dropped my comment on when I first became a Gator. It's pretty cool to read all the stories. But one particular story was deeply touching. Also, peep the videos they have on youtube of everyone saying why they are Gators.

Go Gators.

Good and Bad.

The Good.

Joe "Cool" Haden was named the SEC Defensive Player of the Week. Haden had 10 tackles, 7 solo, as well as a nasty 88 yd. pic return to the 1 against the pups. He also defended several passes, including a tip that led to interception by A. Black. 

The Timbow was nominated for a lock award, the 2008 Wuerffel Trophy by the All Sports Assoc. of Northwest Florida. 

The Bad.

Jacques Rickerson was arrested on charges of strangulation (kinky, kinky), Gainesville.com reports. This isn't Rickerson's first run-in with the law. In May of last year, Rickerson was arrested for huffing trees, which, apparently is not legal either. Rickerson was a 20-year-old d-back for the Gators, and presumptively innocent until proven guilty. That said, he was kicked off the team today. 

Ron Wilson was also charged with battery, The Alligator reports. Like Rickerson, this isn't Wilson's first run-in with law dogs. He discharged a firearm outside a club which is straight-up dumber than shit. And he was also allegedly caught with marijuana, but, you know, whatever.

 

Some Highlights.

GatorsDVD.com provides the greatest highlights.

Watch Timmy tell Haden "That's how you change a game."
Watch Urban tell his players he loves 'em.
Watch the Gators.



Go Gators.

Joke.

So I heard that the federal prison in Leavenworth, Kansas had to shut off the broadcast of the Florida/Georgia game because not even Michael Vick could watch a dog get beaten that badly.

Heard it on Gator Country.

Go Gators.

Cock Was Ours, Tail Was Theirs.

Sweet catharsis! Forgive my tardiness in publishing this post, but I am suffering. My throat and body are kaput. 

'Tis okay, says I, for the pups have been neutered.

Let's begin with the beginning. Woke up bright and early on Saturday at D's parents' house. Watched ESPN analcysts waver on who was to win the game. Packed up the Escalade and waited for 3 very tardy people to arrive. Wall Street Gator had the foresight to grab some Natty Ices for the ride to Jacksonville Municipal Stadium. Buen hecho.

Then the traffic. O, the traffic! With the streets saturated with Gators and pups, we were off, slowly, to the Field Goal parking lot. Some Georgia fans were foaming at the mouth so I threw them a biscuit.

We finally arrived and got to work immediately unpacking the chemical sustenance. The potato salad didn't make it, but that didn't deter the less squeamish of us from taking it down. Foregoing showering can build incredible immunity.

The weather was perfect hangover and tailgating weather. The sun came out only briefly until the game started. Otherwise, it was an overcast 65 degree day. 

I kicked it, got drunk fast, and played some bag-o. Then started flirting with the impish honeys. Once I was done motorboating with the local broads, me and the Wall Street Gator (WSG) made our way to the scene of the reckoning. We, and what seemed like everyone else for miles, needed tickets. There was a major supply problem.

370 bones later, me and WSG were heading to our seats in the heart of enemy territory. Our seats were high as a Georgia pine. We were surrounded by an ocean of red and black. 

Then, it began. Spikes devoured Knowshon with a vicious hit. The Gator bench erupted. From that point on, no Gator could be seen seated, while Georgia fans remained so in the futile hope that doing so would spare their rumps from the ass-kicking Florida was eager to deliver.

It was evident early: The Gators would handle Georgia, doggystyle.

They punted, we punted, then they missed. Then, Percy scored-- he does that, you know. The Gator sideline was fired-up. His Tebowness looked focused. 

The puppies would kick a field goal and, in what can only be labeled as cute, began to believe in themselves. That onside kick. What was that?

Then, He scored. 

Uh oh.

Halftime.

Me and the WSG went searching for beer. No such luck. The only thing available to drink was the sweet nectar of victory, and they wouldn't be serving that until after two more quarters of football. Back upstairs. Game on.

So, we're back. The pups drove the ball a little, getting an A for effort. Then Haden, who had been beat earlier on a post route, picked off Stafford and ran back 88 yards to the Gator 3. WSG and I went shit for apes. 

Then He scored again, untouched into the endzone, deflating the red half of the stadium. Silence is golden, but today it was red. 

Don't worry, it's not over. 

Then He spread the love, hitting Murphy 2 minutes later for a 44 yd. stride-strike, leaving Asher Allen wondering what life would be like if he wasn't burned like Salem witch, or had his jersey pulled.

Puppy ball. It's 2 months from Christmas and Knowshon gives Terron Sanders a little something for his stocking-- the rock. Sanders would run with Knowshon's ball almost to the goal line.

Uh-oh Spagettios, you know what this means: Him again. This time for 8 yds. That's 3 on the ground if you're counting, and it's only the end of the 3rd quarter. I love this shit. 

Here come the car keys. Jingle, jingle! 

Who's dancing now?

Stafford would throw 2 more picks. Seriously, if the Timbow wasn't so divine, I'd give Stafford the game ball for such atrocious decision-making. 

Then He did it again. Another stride-strike, but this time 25 yds. to the one with the winged-feet, Harvin. Touchdown Gators. Get some.

Fine, I will, said Brantley. Brantley hits Deonte Thompson for another one of those 6 point touchdown things. At this point, WSG and I are going nucking futs in the stands. No one is around us. 95% of Georgia fans are gone, tails tucked and wimpering.

At some point while I was marveling at the scoreboard, some back-up for the pups scored. Haden could be seen clapping for the pups' effort on the sidelines. 

Moody gets on the field and makes every Georgia defender his 5 AM whore, the ones you meet when you get home from Crobar.

Moody is the veritas. 7 carries for 71 yards. Give this man the rock, please. 

By now my voice sounds like I'm into swallowing crushed glass and my eyes look like I've spent 6 days in Ibiza. Party on, Wayne.

Then, right when I thought it was over: TIME OUT, FLORIDA. The relevant half of the stadium explodes in cheer. It's not over. It's going to hurt. Moody runs someone over. TIME OUT, FLORIDA. It's going leave a mark. 

And then He and Meyer looked upon their work. And it was good.

Game over.

Vengeance is ours.

Go Gators.

Video Link for UF v. Georgia

Gator Sports has the press conferences here.