Saturday, October 2, 2010

Fuck the Prom Queen.


So, yeah, today’s a big game. Florida v. Bama, Meyer v. Satan, Genetic Diversity v. Sisterfuckers. But, I’d rather concentrate on a rather underreported but wildly significant stat: This is the first time in 40 games that the Gators will not give points. In other words, for the first time in 3 years, Vegas thinks the Gators are going to lose.


Lose. What does this word mean, “lose”? It’s not an altogether familiar word in the Gators’ vernacular, but it’s not totally alien. It happens… about once a year. And it always sucks. Gator fans, especially the younger ones, don’t know truly what it’s like to lose. What it feels like to watch Auburn’s Wes Byrum kick a field goal to beat the Gators at home, and watch him Gator chomp. I hate that fucking guy. btw. Some Gator fans just like to watch the Gators play, and don't care about winning and losing. I never did understand those people, which is why I try to hit them with my car.


Maybe you’re one of those who thinks it’s okay for the Gators to lose because they’ll face Bama in the SEC Championship, and have another shot at beating them. Well, if I was King Shit of Turd Mountain, I’d have your head on a stake. When is it ever ok to lose? Never, unless you’re a loser, in which case, don’t you have a game against Clemson early this morning on ESPN’s the Ocho?


It’s never ok to lose. Ask Urban, losing causes heart attacks, heart attacks cause death. Ergo, losing kills. Trey Burton, on the other hand, saves. We can all thank Trey Burton for sparing Urban from another heart attack. If the Gators didn’t right the ship in time, Urban would have resorted to his old micromanaging ways again. This would have likely resulted in another natty, but inevitably in another heart attack. An unacceptable outcome? Maybe not for Meyer, who clearly hates losing more than he loves winning. In my estimation, Meyer would rather die a young winner than live to be an old loser.


So what’s the solution? Win. Winning, as it is often said, cures everything. The Navy Seals, known worldwide for their aphorisms, have the following phrase: “It pays to be a winner, it sucks to be a loser.” It's true. It's like Sean Connery said to Stanley Goodspeed said in The Rock, "Losers always whine about their best; winners go home and fuck the prom queen."


Go fuck the prom queen today, boys.
Go Gators.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

At least the final score was closer than in December. Haha. Roll Tide.