Almost There.

I know, I know-- it’s been a while. I’ll offer no explanation other than my balls have been especially itchy and I hate typing with one hand. Anyway, it’s not like much has changed in my absence. The Gators are still the champs, Kiffin’s still running his mouth, his wife is still hot, the economy is still in a freefall, and your rash has still yet to clear. Let’s get passed the small stuff and onto what matters.

You know what they say about the offseason: No news is good news. But there has been some news, so let’s discuss.



Erin Andrews

For those of you living without the internet or a Y chromosome, Erin Andrews, a Gator alumnus, sportscaster, and sexbot, was recently captured on hidden camera in puris naturalibus. I won’t link to any of the images or videos here because they’ll likely have been removed by the time this posts and, more importantly, I’d rather not be sued or harassed by a fellow Gator’s attorneys. Let’s first dispense with the dispensable:

She looks just as good naked as she does in your dreams, and by “dreams” I mean your many moments of self-castigation. She’s the girl you could never have without paying for: big bountiful breasts, a long flat midriff, a firm tight bum, and a furless Wookiee cookie.

Let’s be real though, as wondrous and joyous as it is to see EA nakey, and props for the usage of SWAT equipment to capture her bare, it’s downright scumbaggish to look into someone’s room and record them getting dressed. Such an act can only be perpetrated by an immoral lowlife loser (to whom we all owe a big fat thanks). But really, imagine this knacker standing in the hallway outside her hotel room, peephole reverser affixed to the peephole, camera attached to the reverser, possibly a spotter down the hall to check for passerby’s, all the while EA is curling her hair, checking the pristineness of her derrière, getting dolled up for the ESPY’s later that evening. I mean, that’s low, real low. Maybe even as low as fucking a fat girl in the Gin Mill bathroom—just maybe. Look, I’m not one to judge the degenerate peeper in the hallway or the Capt. Ahab fighting whale wars in a bar’s shitter, but I do have one, very well-founded complaint: Why’s this not in HD? I mean, seriously, you go to the trouble of getting yourself a peephole reverser (which you can get yours here for only 70 bucks—don’t do it though… ok do it.), risk getting arrested and charged with some horrifyingly embarrassing charge, stand to make tons of loot on the interweb, and you don’t get HD? Clearly this guy’s not a sports fan. You can get a little HD video recorder for less than it costs to get a couple of rub and tugs. C'mon, peeper, you're better than that.

Bottom line, what happened to EA was fucked up. It’s not like she made a sex tape and it got leaked. She was violated. And while we all enjoy some good tits, ass, and vertical smiles, it’s wrong to enjoy ‘em at the expense of someone’s privacy. Not to mention, she’s a Gator, and deserves the proper respect befitting a champion. Go show some respect, then grab a towel and clean up.

SEC Media Day

SEC Media day is set to start Wednesday, July 22 through Friday, July 24 at the Wynfrey Hotel in Hoover, Alabama. Where Hoover is I have no idea, but incidentally, I do know that “Hoover” is an affectionate term for a girl who gives great brains. Media day, as it turns out, is a misnomer as it runs longer than one day. It’s basically an event where SEC officials and representatives from teams of the SEC give interviews to gaggles of journalists who cover the SEC. No one cares about what the SEC officials have to say, most people are just really curious to know how the officials got the single most coolestest job in the universe. The focus is really on the teams’ reps. Each team has a scheduled slot and is grilled by a bank of reporters for hours. The teams usually are represented by their head coach, and team captains, such is the case for the Champs. The Timbow, General Spikes, and Lord Urban are set to be interviewed on Thursday, July 23 from 10:30 am - 12:30 pm. Watch the footage of the interview as it comes available.

I wouldn’t get too amped up for Media Day as nothing too earth shattering comes from it save for speculative predictions and baseless gossip, though sometimes there are some jabs leveled and subpoenas served. And don’t look for any fireworks between Meyer and Kiffin, either. Tennessee is scheduled to go last on the last day, which is portentous and lovely, so Florida and Tenn’s reps won’t be crossing each other in the halls, bumping shoulders, and asking “what the fuck’s your problem, man?” Not going to happen. But, you can bet your ass that there will be some questions seeking to fan the flames, but don’t expect the Overlord to bite—he has an empire to champion and cannot concern himself with the ramblings of the underlings. Perhaps Kiffin will. Actually, I got even money that says he will. Takers? All in all, Media Day is a relatively meaningless and benign event that exists more as a celebration heralding the start of another glorious college football season than as a source for news.

Go steal the thunder.

WSG’s Preseason Intel Brief (redacted for security purposes)

Tebow will be Tebow, I am not sure what to make of all the new mechanics Scot Loffer (the new QB coach) is teaching him. Supposed to be good for his pro-prospects and all but I am also of the mentality that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. We are set for the next two years after Tebow with Brantley (who people forget was the Gatorade player of the year coming out of high school and can really sling it, and is not slow either, although kind of injury prone).

Janoris likely won’t be suspended at all for what happened since everything was basically dropped. No need to talk about the details. It’s over, let’s move forward.

Dustin Doe got in trouble, again, and is in the dog house, coach isn’t letting him work out with the team (but nobody wants to say what he did to not embarrass him).

Very likely Cooper is not coming back. We’re looking a little thin on offense at the WR position, some people want Meyer to give Will “the Thrill” a chance to get a few snaps on offense and maybe even Joe Haden (don’t think that’s going to happen though).

Very interesting to see what’s going to happen at the LB position, we are incredibly stacked. Brendon Beal, a big time recruit who tore his ACL last year and took a redshirt, had a beast spring game (something like 13 tackles). This is a 6’4 white kid who is huge (around 250, bigger than Spikes) and moves very well. The concern is that he might outgrow the position, maybe even becoming a menace to the civilized world and have to eventually be brought down by an advanced missile system should he ever climb the Empire State Building. No worries, though, we have Jon Bostic (that guy from Palm Beach), who absolutely tore it up in the spring. Spikes was giving him mad props, which, short of Meyer’s blessing, makes him a made man. Bostic is about 235, but he played safety in high school so he can really cover and is reportedly crazy fast for an LB. It looks like he will be in the rotation somehow which is unexpected since most were expecting him to red shirt, until he blew up on spring practice. Then of course we have Jelani Jenkins who was a 5 star, top 10 overall coming in now (he didn’t graduate early like Bostic so hasn’t had a chance to practice yet, the fall practice starts soon). Keep in mind that all these guys I mentioned are back-ups. BACK-UPS.

On the front line we got B. Spikes, Ryan Stamper, Brandon Hicks, Dustin Doe (who’s in the dog house) and A.J. Jones. Also, Lorenzo Edwards who was a big time recruit but hasn’t been able to crack the line-up. We are also in the running for the 5th overall player in the country this year Jeff Luc who is also a linebacker and literally looks bigger than Spikes right now, guy is a monster. The Gators’ strength at linebacker is truly something to marvel at. Such breadth of talent should make for some of the nicest violence we stand to see this season. I love violence, btw. Loves it.

WR is another position of great interest and deep concern. Assuming Cooper is out (to go play baseball, which seems very likely) our starters are Deonte Thompson (who frankly has underachieved as far as I am concerned and needs to make something happen this year to live up to the hype), David Nelson (solid but not a game breaker), Carl Moore (same as Nelson I think , although possibly with more upside), and then we have Frankie Hammond (red shirt Freshman who looked mad quick/shifty in the spring but has never played in a game) and of course, the big X-factor, Dubose (he didn’t graduate early, so he didn’t practice in the spring so not sure he will contribute right away). It’s hard for a new guy like Debose to learn the Gators’ complex offensive system so I’ll look for him to make more of an impact towards the middle of the season, unless he is as sick as advertised in which case we’ll get him on the field asap. And of course, by far our biggest threat in the passing game this year will be Hernandez, who by all accounts absolutely killed it in the spring. Everybody is talking about him leaving early after this year and being a 1st round pick—kid is that good, although we are very thin at TE with only one back-up, true freshman Desmond Parks. It will be interesting to see if we get some of the RBs who have more experience playing some slot receiver as well (like a B. James, Rainey or Demps). That could also help in the passing game, only thing is those guys are so little/short.

D-Line: will be interesting to see what happens, projected 2-deep are Cunningham and Dunlap on the edge with Marsh and Terron Sanders at D-Tackle. Then you have Trattou/Duke Lemmens and William Green (who seems to be the best of those 3) backing up the D-ends and Omar Hunter and Jay Howard as back-up tackles. Jay Howard apparently was fucking it up this spring and Omar Hunter was much improved. Earl Okine, the big guy from Gainesville, got moved inside also as a back-up tackle. The other wild card there is Gary Brown, who was a 5 star stud and is coming in now in the fall (like Torrey Davis and Omar Hunter/John Brown). These 5 star D-tackles seem to take some time to develop so I don’t expect much from him this year but he was a 5 star #2 overall D-tackle in last years class, so who knows.

The O-Line will be VERY interesting as starting spots are not yet solidified. You have 4 guys in for sure, the Pounceys (Center and Right Guard), Carl Johnson (Left Guard or Left Tackle) and Marcus Gilbert (Right Tackle), with the the last spot up for grabs between 3 guys. Most people expect that Matt Patchan will be the starting left tackle (very athletic and has all the height 6-6 and strength and aggressiveness to play the position, the only concern with him is that he is undersized and needs to gain some weight which has been a problem for him – assuming he puts on the weight then you have your starting 5 with Carl Johnson staying at Left Guard where he was a beast last year). If that doesn’t work out then either James Wilson (who played in Tebows high school and was a 5 star recruit who de-comitted from USC and came to us last minute) would play left guard and Carl Johnson would move to tackle (this would give us a huge line as all our guys would be over 320 pounds, the concern there though is that Carl Johnson is too big and not quick enough to play left tackle because speed rushers might be able to get around him on the edge). Also, Wilson’s been hurt so that doesn’t help his cause. Alternatively, Sam Robey was the MVP of the spring, this kid red-shirted last year and came out of nowhere in the spring to kill it at Center. The coaches are seriously considering moving Maurkice Pouncey back to guard where he played his freshman year, inserting Robey at Center, and putting Carl Johnson at left tackle while leaving Gilbert at RT (this would leave Patchan and Wilson, both 5 stars) out of the starting lineup. Will be interesting to see what happens, we have a lot of depth though and a bunch of good freshman (e.g. Xavier Nixon) who came in, which is good in case of injuries, which are likely for these mammoth mother effers.

The RB position intrigues me. It looks like it’ll be running back by committee again with the coaches favoring Demps. Rainey hasn’t blown up like I thought he would (interesting to see what happens with him this year) and Moody for whatever reason always seems to be in Meyer’s dog house. Either way we are deep there and should have solid production but will be interesting to see who gets the bulk of the carries.

Our secondary as you all know is sick, three deep sick. We have Major and Ahmad with Will getting a lot of playing time. Then, Dorian Munroe who was supposed to start last year but blew his ACL and Dee Finley (5 stars) coming in this year as well as Joshua Evans, the kid from Jersey who is supposed to be mad athletic (some say he was better than Will Hill in high school, both played in Jersey). The corners equally as deep and sick. Haden and Janoris (best tandem in the country) starting and backed up by Jeremy Brown (who was ahead of Janoris last year as a freshman but got hurt), Marquis Anderson who I always liked, WPL who apparently is much improved and could probably start for any other team in the SEC as well as a bunch of you guys who are getting praise like Moses Jenkins, Adrian Bushell, and others. Not to mention we have sick corners in this year’s recruiting class.

Jonathan Phillips our kicker was granted a 6th year of eligibility so he’ll be back and Chas Henry as Punter who in my opinion is one of the best in the country along with B. James help make our special teams, as usual, SICK!!!

Recruiting Intel (Eyes Only):
The other interesting thing this year is that spots are filling up crazy fast for next years recruiting class. We already have 15 commits that have accepted offers (and it’s not even August). Sure some of those may drop out in the end but it’s still a lot. That means there are only 10 spots left (can take max 25 players this year). So the coaches have to really monitor what’s happening because every remaining spot is so valuable (people have been saying that guys that we made offers to that wanted to accept are now being told that some of the offers are not “committable” – I’d never heard of that before). So some kids want to accept their offer and Meyer and the staff are telling them no b/c we are holding out for better prospects. That means some of the players who are on the fence need to make up their minds quick or there might not be a spot for them. It’s got to be hard to manage that process from the coaches standpoint as you really don’t know who is going to stick to their commitment or what the affect of accepting an offer from a kid at one position (e.g. WR) will have on a higher rated kid that is leaning Florida but doesn’t want to commit yet (national signing day is next FEBRUARY after all). Tricky stuff, I trust Urban is making the best decisions but regardless the whole process is almost impossible to manage. The absolute top recruits that we are after and have a real shot at are Ronald Powell (5 star D End from Cali, between us and USC – Dunlap type of freak), Chris Dunkley (receiver with mad quicks, slot guy, think he is leaning Gators), Jeff Luc (the linebacker I mentioned above, I also think he’s leaning us but we are fairly stacked at LB), Mack Brown (running back, between us and UGA, the big bruiser back we have been looking for).

It's good to be back.