He has a booboo on his shin.
Look for him to shut down A.J. Green this weekend.
Everyting goina be irie.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Chasing Wabbits in the Muck
Pahokee, aside from being a fun word to say aloud, is also one of the poorest places in the state. Pahokeeans make approximately 26k /year. There are no major retail stores, no malls, nothing to do.
Except chase wabbits.
Sounds stupid, right? Totally. Except that Pahokee has produced some of the most dominating high school football teams in the country. Pahokee has won the last two state titles. Glades Central has won 6 state titles and has more professional football players in the NFL and the NCAA than any other high school in the universe.
Consider that Rocky chased a chicken in an enclosure to build speed. What a puss-in-boots. The Pahokee boys chase wabbits in huge open fields! Not impressive enough for you? How about the fields are on fire! And the locals shoot at the teenagers!
Ok, so they don't shoot at them. But the fields are on fire... somewhat. They ignite the fields to clear the land for sugarcane farming (ah, the ancillary benefits of big sugar!). The fire forces the hares out of their hare-holes. The Pahokee boys get less than $5 for each bunny. Watch the video, it'll tell you everything.
So, the next time you're bored in work, school, sex, or whatever, and your pudgy fingers are chatting with what you hope is a hot 22 year-old Romanian on your 3k MacBook Pro, remember that the Pahokee boys are chasing tail, cotton tails.
So, does it work? Here's a little list of Pahokee's best wabbit chasers.
Janoris Jenkins, Fred Taylor, Anquan Boldin, Reidel Anthony, Santonio Holmes, Louis Oliver, James Jackson, Jessie Hester, John Rutledge, Tadpole Blackmun, Andre Waters, Rickey Jackson, Jimmy Spencer, and Ray Macdonald.
Stay tuned for the next Pahokee installment:
The "Muck Bowl"
Tartt, from the land of milk and honey, and Moody to Play Against Georgia
ESPN is reporting that Left Guard Jim Tartt, from Sopchoppy, FL., will play against the pups this upcoming Saturday.
Sopchoppy, Fl is less than 1.5 square miles and has less than 500 people all of whom moved there because they thought the land was full of milk and honey, so sayeth Wikipedia.
Tartt is one tough mofo. He's big-time and big country. Shoring up our O-line will be important against the pups.
According to Kenny Carter, the UF running backs coach, Emmanuel Moody is practicing harder and is approaching 100%. Moody suffered a high ankle sprain and has some problem with his tissue doing something. I don't know, I'm not a friggin' doctor.
Hopefully Moody will play this week and we'll have our between-the-tackles threat. We desperately need someone, who is not The Tebow, to be able to give it to on short-yardage situations. Moody is hard-nosed-runner. He hasn't gotten the ball often, but when he does, he runs with bad intentions.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Banks and Gaylords have Ef'd Up this Country.
O, the mediocrity!Seems like someone actually thinks Miami is worthy of a bowl game. It's a fight to the finish, but it seems like the smart money is on Miami to play... drumroll...
Navy.
Wait, it gets better. If Miami is selected (Virginia is giving them a run for their money), they'll play in the...
But, if they're really lucky, they'll see Ole Miss (don't get me started) in the
Yet Another Victory for the Gators and the SEC
Maybe your life sucked and you didn't go to the University of Florida. Perhaps you led a pathetic collegiate existence in some town devoid of firm, young, supple smokeshows, aged 18-22 yrs. like a great scotch.
No worries, loserboy.
Now you can see what you've been missing. If beating Big Ten teams like Ohio State into submission and national embarrassment isn't enough, the Gators and the SEC are now surpassing Big Ten teams where it counts most: Which School Has The Hottest Ass.
Apparently, some little rag, maybe you've heard of it-- Playboy (you remember, the soft core stuff you would punish yourself to before you learned about High Society and the other hardcore stuff, yeah you do)-- thinks Big 10 chicks are whack and, as such, would rather have a Gator doll on their cover, Big Ten issue be damned!
Carrington (that's her name, carrington, remember, carrington) said, "There weren't any girls from the Big Ten who were hot enough to be on the cover, so they had to pull someone from the SEC."
I will have her, and she will be mine!
Go Gators.
How Do We Get to the Big Dance?
Major brain trust in my apartment last night conversing over the possibilities of the Gators making it to Miami for the big dance. Drunken doctors and Harvard lawyers talking (that's progress, woohoo tort reform!), and others smart enough to avoid grad school, all efforting one question:
How Do The Gators Make it To Miami?
Penn State somehow, somewhere, is being taken seriously. I guess being at the top of a Pop Warner league is tantamount to having accomplished something meaningful in the NCAA. Balderdash!
What's more, if Penn St. wins out, EPSN anal-cysts declare they would be dancing in South Beach. By the way, I fucking hate it when they say that teams will be playing in South Beach, because we all know that the stadium is closer to Ft. Lauderdale than it is to Miami Beach.
But whatever.
Pennsylvania State University.
For real, dude?
The Big Ten has no championship game. They have no standing to play in the BCS Championship. They've already had the Big Ten in the BCS Boogiedown and they've LOST the last two times. It's been proven 2wice over. I implore you, dear voter, don't shut out the SEC because of some misplaced sense of loyalty to some has-been conference or because of some amateurish, non-progressive barometer for college football.
Here's how I see the Gators getting asked to dance:
- The Gators meet and beat an undefeated Alabama team in Atlanta.
Other things need to happen, but a big win in the SEC Championship game over Satan's Tide would do much to convince voters that the real big games come out of the SEC. Granted, we need big wins from here on out. No close games, no fucking up. Big time, sweet-mother-of-God wins are exactly what we need. USC is a nonissue. So is Oklahoma, and your life.
The Big Twelve is the conference everyone is going "ga-ga" over. But anyone who knows anything about collegiate ball knows that a retarded gorilla can gain yards in a conference where, I personally believe, the teams don't practice defense between games. I think that when the season comes to an end, voters will look at the season in whole, and not in a weekly fashion.
If Alabama beats LSU in a close, epic game and wins out in an impressive manner, and the Gators win out the rest of the way, then the winner of the SEC Championship will-- hopefully-- not be denied a place at the table.
So, Gators keep winning, Bama keeps winning till they get to the SEC Championship, then Bob's your uncle and we dance.
Got it?
Or
2. Penn State loses.
Should God decide not to stop with his quirky, and often unfunny sense of college football humor, the Nittany Lions will win the rest of their schedule. I don't know if Joe Pa and God know each other from the the past, maybe they play bridge or canasta or whatever, but really, this shit's ridonculous.
But let's say God lays off the smelling salts and the Nittany (whatever the fuck Nittany means is beyond me) Ligers lose to powerhouse Indiana, the mighty Michigan State, or the indomitable Iowa (go iowans! wait? what the frick is iowa?), then voters may actually come to their senses and realize that Penn State doesn't deserve to carry Florida's Jock Straps.
I believe they can lose, because that's what losers do. Their gameplay is simple. They are a balanced team, but their opponents are generally weak. Put P-State up against a complicated (and working) spread, and they're done-- done, I tell you! Put them up against a defense like the Gators with speed on the edges and intelligent d-backs and they're finished!
Finished!
Anything I left out?
The Incident.
You remember. It looked like a fight was going to break out. Meyer called the celebration "wrong." I call it fucked up. I call it grounds to getting your ass kicked. I guess in a school where the women bark and the men dance, logic and decorum are wanting. I suspect that come Saturday the idea of dancing in endzone will prove to have been a bad one indeed.
The Gators are not a team known for trash-talking, taunting, violent crime, or any other conduct generally engaged into by our neighbors to the south and north (read: the who, and freeshoesuniversity). I believe that will change this upcoming Saturday. As of last week, Urban Meyer has issued a gag order to all his players regarding The Incident. Not that kind of gag order, scum bag.
When asked if he had any hard feelings about the incident and whether he was excited for the game, The Tebow replied "no comment" about the incident, then smiled and said he was indeed excited for the game. He also assured the G-Nation that they'll see a never-before-seen enthusiasm by the Gators in Jacksonville come Saturday. Watch His Timness say it hisdamnself.
In his authorized biography, "Urban's Way: Urban Meyer, the Florida Gators, and How I'd Kill My Young to Win," Meyer said that the Gators "will handle it, and it's going to be a big deal."
Oohhh! Shiznit! That's Meyerspeak for Richty, go and get your gun!
The Gator boys are coming, and hell is coming with them.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Video Link for UF v. Kentucky (Saturday, October 25, 2008)
Gators vs. Kentucky - W, 63-5
I swear. Watching games like this is like porn for me. Only better and less messy.
The Gators annihilated the Wildcats 187-4, for the 3,000th time in a row. Seriously, look it up. It was mean, but fun, which is the best kind. Bear in mind that Kentucky has the number one defense in the SEC, or at least they did until today. The Gators put up 446 total yards against the Wildcats. That's just fucking sick. Being no. 1 in the SEC in anything is no joke, being the no.1 defense in a conference built on stout defense is deadly serious.
There's no arguing that Jeff Demps is, like my favorite wallet, a bad motherfucker. The guy is made of lightning.
Timmy was, uh, killing it. Back to his Messianic self. He went 11/15 for 180 yds, 2 td's and a pick. He also ran for 2 td's and 48 yds. I have to admit that I am skeptical of Timmy's throwing lately. He doesn't seem to have the timing. Except for that perfect pass to Harvin where Timbow stood in the pocket and hit Percy in stride for as pretty a touchdown pass as you'll see anywhere. Aside from that pass to Harvin, much of his passing yards come from yards after the catch. He rarely throws any deep outs, everything basically staying under 15-20 yds. His numbers don't lie though. In the end, The Timbot wins and is deceivingly efficient. So you better watch your mouth.
Moore scored. Remember him? Yeah, apparently after fumbling like a fucking fuck the senior is still alive with a TD tonight to prove it. Good for him. Moody still didn't play because he aggravated his high-ankle sprain earlier this week in practice, but he's probable for Georgia. Brantley threw his first touchdown as a Gator, a 38 yd strike to David Nelson, a 6-5 junior from Wichita, TX who, when not sitting on the bench, also drags defenders 15 yds to goal lines. The Tebow was celebrating after Brantley's pass, and earlier after a tough Brantley run. The Tebow likes. Brantley, a multi-generational Gator like yours truly, was excited and grateful for The Tebow's help.
Janoris Jenkins was injured on the first play. He was taken into the locker room and x-rayed. They were negative. Exhale. He has a bruised knee, according to the Raycom Sports commentators, which is as good as truth for me. Meyer reports that he is "very probable" for Georgia next week which is great effing news. That kid's a stud. Ask Wande Pierre-Louise, the freshman Jenkins took his job. Good job by Wande filling in today. Nice hitting. By the way, if you haven't seen it already, check out how Jenkins and others from Pahokee get so quick. They chase wabbits. It's good to have things to do.
Black was laying hat and took a pick to the crib. Will Hill, too, was knocking heads. He had one hit on Adams that was wonderfully violent. Haden and Spikes were flying all over the field laying people out. We can forget about any talk of our secondary being a weakness. The defense didn't allow a touchdown, and held a team to 10 points or fewer for the 5th time this season, which is-- like myself-- pretty gangster.
In sum I can't wait to go to Jacksonville and watch the Gators dance their asses off in the endzone next Saturday (go vote). Would be nice to eat a little Georgia peach too.
Catch your act on Saturday.
Go Gators.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
