The Day Approaches.

I just had my first erection of the week which can only mean that the Florida-georgia game is getting closer. I'll be leaving to J-ville in the morn, with the Chicken riding shotgun, Gator Bait cranking through system, and the Narnia Chronicles filling the air.

I will try to do some blogging whilst I'm there, but don't count on it.  

It's a special thing this Florida Football. Right? 

God, I love this shit.

Gator B-Ball Picks Up #13

Gators have picked up Plantation American Heritage senior guard Kenny Boynton Jr.

Enjoy.

Sun Sentinel's got the details.

Back to packing for the cocktail party.

Great Call.

Caller calls into the Gator Country Radio Show on Wednesday and says the following:

We've got Doug on the line with a question. How are you Doug?

I wanna tell you that I agree with Franz's  opinion of Georgia. Given [Georgia's] history and also the fact that their coach was a quarterback at Miami, a coordinator at FSU, and now coaching Georgia, as far as I'm concerned he's the antichrist.

Amen, Doug. Good thing we've got the motherfucking savior, the Timbow. If he is for us, then who can be against us?

Damn strizzaight.

Great radio show, truly. I download the podcast. 

Word to your mother.

Gomer Wants Ideas.

           Gomer the Gnome is heading to Le Ville du Jackson this weekend to score some gnome peach (Gomer likes his peaches fuzzy, he's from the 70-80's school of porn) and watch his beloved Gators run roughshod over the puppies.

Gomer loves taking pictures. He's old and has been to many places. He needs ideas. And that's where you come in-- and by that I mean chime in, dirtbag. 

Gomer is requesting that his fans suggest pictures for him to take. Scenarios that his fans would like to see him in. For example: In a bathtub filled with beer and condoms, the 50 yard line, The Tebow's hands, and the like.

So please, for Gomer, drop a comment and suggest what you think Gomer should do and we'll post the pics up upon our victorious return from the cocktail party.

Banned.

I've been banned from www.dawgsports.com for being awesome. It was either that or for posting a comment that read something along the lines of 

"Good luck not getting annihilated on Saturday" and "How much does it suck to be a pup?"

If you're a follower of my blog, you know that the above statements are pretty benign. I didn't say anything about their mothers, daughters, or the like. We talk shit. It's college sports. Don't take it personally. 

In fact, I happen to like the state of Georgia. I was considering going to school there before I removed my head from my ass and went to Eden-- sorry, Gainesville. I've also enjoyed my fair share of Georgia peaches in Jacksonville. They were lovely. I've drank and partied with Dawgs, from what I remember, it was cool. 

But, come on, banning someone for posting an adverse comment about the Dawgs. That's just vaginal on all counts. 

Wednesday Picks.

Here's le deal. Every Wednesday we'll be predicting which of the state's big and relevant football programs will win. Chime in with what you think will happen this weekend. Who will win, who will have the most fans, which team will have the most arrests, bottles in orifices, you know, the simple things.

Florida v. Georgia

The super-degenerates in Vegas have the Pups as 5.5 point dogs. I'm less conservative. In my estimation it'll be Gators by 20, the finals score being 44-24.

The Pups got the Gators seeing red. The Gators have been quiet about Richt's brazenly unsportsmanlike orgiastic clusterfuck in the endzone last year. But the silence ends this weekend. The Timbow played injured the last time these two met up. Now, the Timbow is healthy and has Georgia on his mind. Look for Timothy to try and win this game on his own shoulders.

Miami @ Virginia 

The Vegans have Miami by 1. Clearly Vegas doesn't know about how much of the suck thing Miami does. The Cavaliers win this one easily at home. The Hurricanes are young, disorganized, and led by an imbecile.

Florida State @ Georgia Tech

Vegans got GA Tech by 1. Florida State goes to Atlanta and wins a must-win conference game. Florida State always beats the Yellow Jackets. This is no

exception.

Pay attention, because if Florida State wins, they may begin to break into the top 10, which is nothing short of awesome fo dem Gators. 

UF #2? You Better Axe Somebody.

UF is no. 2 according to FoxSports.com's power rankings. 

Here's why I agree with this ranking. The rankings, as mentioned in the article, seek to rank the teams that are playing best that week. Granted that losing to Ole Miss sucks a fat one, but that doesn't mean that any team better than Ole Miss can beat UF, especially with the way the Gators are playing presently.

Just because a girl was fugly in the 5th grade, doesn't mean she wont be a stunner today. 

Look, the Ole Miss game was a freak, fluke loss. A 1 point, special teams debacle. Yes, it hurt. Yes, it was at home, but that's SEC football. Ole Miss has beaten the Gators before and the Rebels are not a pushover team. Deal with it. The Gators are now hitting their stride, and right in time too, Georgia also appears to be peaking. 

Meyer has expressed his concern on his players peaking emotionally too early. He is taking the same advice given to him by Lou Holtz to the Cocktail Party as he did to the 2006 BCS Championship Game. I'm sure we'll be reading about pictures of Richt and the dancing puppies festooning the weight room, locker room, dorm room, and every other conceivable place. But it will be measured, deliberate, and incremental. 

Pat Dooley, one of my faves, calls this week's FL/GA game the biggest ever. I agree. I think that this game will be a momentum game for the winning program. 

Tip of the hat to the Jota for the heads-up. 

Jenkins to Play Against the Pups

Gainesville.com is reporting that Jenkins will play. 

He has a booboo on his shin.

Look for him to shut down A.J. Green this weekend. 

Everyting goina be irie.

Chasing Wabbits in the Muck

Pahokee, aside from being a fun word to say aloud, is also one of the poorest places in the state. Pahokeeans make approximately 26k /year. There are no major retail stores, no malls, nothing to do.

Except chase wabbits.

Sounds stupid, right? Totally. Except that Pahokee has produced some of the most dominating high school football teams in the country. Pahokee has won the last two state titles. Glades Central has won 6 state titles and has more professional football players in the NFL and the NCAA than any other high school in the universe. 

Consider that Rocky chased a chicken in an enclosure to build speed. What a puss-in-boots. The Pahokee boys chase wabbits in huge open fields! Not impressive enough for you? How about the fields are on fire! And the locals shoot at the teenagers!

Ok, so they don't shoot at them. But the fields are on fire... somewhat. They ignite the fields to clear the land for sugarcane farming (ah, the ancillary benefits of big sugar!). The fire forces the hares out of their hare-holes. The Pahokee boys get less than $5 for each bunny. Watch the video, it'll tell you everything. 

So, the next time you're bored in work, school, sex, or whatever, and your pudgy fingers are chatting with what you hope is a hot 22 year-old Romanian on your 3k MacBook Pro, remember that the Pahokee boys are chasing tail, cotton tails.

So, does it work? Here's a little list of Pahokee's best wabbit chasers.

Janoris Jenkins, Fred Taylor, Anquan Boldin, Reidel Anthony, Santonio Holmes, Louis Oliver, James Jackson, Jessie Hester, John Rutledge, Tadpole Blackmun, Andre Waters, Rickey Jackson, Jimmy Spencer, and Ray Macdonald.

Stay tuned for the next Pahokee installment:

The "Muck Bowl"

Tartt, from the land of milk and honey, and Moody to Play Against Georgia

ESPN is reporting that Left Guard Jim Tartt, from Sopchoppy, FL., will play against the pups this upcoming Saturday. 

Sopchoppy, Fl is less than 1.5 square miles and has less than 500 people all of whom moved there because they thought the land was full of milk and honey, so sayeth Wikipedia.

Tartt is one tough mofo. He's big-time and big country. Shoring up our O-line will be important against the pups.  

According to Kenny Carter, the UF running backs coach, Emmanuel Moody is practicing harder and is approaching 100%. Moody suffered a high ankle sprain and has some problem with his tissue doing something. I don't know, I'm not a friggin' doctor. 

Hopefully Moody will play this week and we'll have our between-the-tackles threat. We desperately need someone, who is not The Tebow, to be able to give it to on short-yardage situations. Moody is hard-nosed-runner. He hasn't gotten the ball often, but when he does, he runs with bad intentions.

More Video

Homecoming 2008 - Let the Gator Growl, bitches!

Homecoming Parade 2008

Banks and Gaylords have Ef'd Up this Country.

O, the mediocrity!

Seems like someone actually thinks Miami is worthy of a bowl game. It's a fight to the finish, but it seems like the smart money is on Miami to play... drumroll... 

Navy.

Wait, it gets better. If Miami is selected (Virginia is giving them a run for their money), they'll play in the...

EAGLE BANK BOWL!

But, if they're really lucky, they'll see Ole Miss (don't get me started) in the 

GAYLORDS BOWL!

Yet Another Victory for the Gators and the SEC

Maybe your life sucked and you didn't go to the University of Florida. Perhaps you led a pathetic collegiate existence in some town devoid of firm, young, supple smokeshows, aged 18-22 yrs. like a great scotch.

No worries, loserboy.

Now you can see what you've been missing. If beating Big Ten teams like Ohio State into submission and national embarrassment isn't enough, the Gators and the SEC are now surpassing Big Ten teams where it counts most: Which School Has The Hottest Ass. 

Apparently, some little rag, maybe you've heard of it-- Playboy (you remember, the soft core stuff you would punish yourself to before you learned about High Society and the other hardcore stuff, yeah you do)-- thinks Big 10 chicks are whack and, as such, would rather have a Gator doll on their cover, Big Ten issue be damned!

Carrington (that's her name, carrington, remember, carrington)  said, "There weren't any girls from the Big Ten who were hot enough to be on the cover, so they had to pull someone from the SEC."

I will have her, and she will be mine!

Go Gators.

How Do We Get to the Big Dance?

Major brain trust in my apartment last night conversing over the possibilities of the Gators making it to Miami for the big dance. Drunken doctors and Harvard lawyers talking (that's progress, woohoo tort reform!), and others smart enough to avoid grad school, all efforting one question:

How Do The Gators Make it To Miami?

Penn State somehow, somewhere, is being taken seriously. I guess being at the top of a Pop Warner league is tantamount to having accomplished something meaningful in the NCAA. Balderdash! 

What's more, if Penn St. wins out, EPSN anal-cysts declare they would be dancing in South Beach. By the way, I fucking hate it when they say that teams will be playing in South Beach, because we all know that the stadium is closer to Ft. Lauderdale than it is to Miami Beach. 

But whatever. 

Pennsylvania State University. 

For real, dude? 

The Big Ten has no championship game. They have no standing to play in the BCS Championship.  They've already had the Big Ten in the BCS Boogiedown and they've LOST the last two times. It's been proven 2wice over. I implore you, dear voter, don't shut out the SEC because of some misplaced sense of loyalty to some has-been conference or because of some amateurish, non-progressive barometer for college football.

Here's how I see the Gators getting asked to dance:

1. The Gators meet and beat an undefeated Alabama team in Atlanta. 

Other things need to happen, but a big win in the SEC Championship game over Satan's Tide would do much to convince voters that the real big games come out of the SEC. Granted, we need big wins from here on out. No close games, no fucking up. Big time, sweet-mother-of-God wins are exactly what we need. USC is a nonissue. So is Oklahoma, and your life.

The Big Twelve is the conference everyone is going "ga-ga" over. But anyone who knows anything about collegiate ball knows that a retarded gorilla can gain yards in a conference where, I personally believe, the teams don't practice defense between games. I think that when the season comes to an end, voters will look at the season in whole, and not in a weekly fashion. 

If Alabama beats LSU in a close, epic game and wins out in an impressive manner, and the Gators win out the rest of the way, then the winner of the SEC Championship will-- hopefully-- not be denied a place at the table. 

So, Gators keep winning, Bama keeps winning till they get to the SEC Championship, then Bob's your uncle and we dance.

Got it?

Or

       2. Penn State loses. 

Should God decide not to stop with his quirky, and often unfunny sense of college football humor, the Nittany Lions will win the rest of their schedule. I don't know if Joe Pa and God know each other from the the past, maybe they play bridge or canasta or whatever, but really, this shit's ridonculous. 

But let's say God lays off the smelling salts and the Nittany (whatever the fuck Nittany means is beyond me) Ligers lose to powerhouse Indiana, the mighty Michigan State, or the indomitable Iowa (go iowans! wait? what the frick is iowa?), then voters may actually come to their senses and realize that Penn State doesn't deserve to carry Florida's Jock Straps. 

I believe they can lose, because that's what losers do. Their gameplay is simple. They are a balanced team, but their opponents are generally weak. Put P-State up against a complicated (and working) spread, and they're done-- done, I tell you! Put them up against a defense like the Gators with speed on the edges and intelligent d-backs and they're finished!

Finished!

Anything I left out?

The Incident.

You remember. It looked like a fight was going to break out. Meyer called the celebration "wrong." I call it fucked up. I call it grounds to getting your ass kicked. 

I guess in a school where the women bark and the men dance, logic and decorum are wanting. I suspect that come Saturday the idea of dancing in endzone will prove to have been a bad one indeed. 

The Gators are not a team known for trash-talking, taunting, violent crime, or any other conduct generally engaged into by our neighbors to the south and north (read: the who, and freeshoesuniversity). I believe that will change this upcoming Saturday. As of last week, Urban Meyer has issued a gag order to all his players regarding The Incident. Not that kind of gag order, scum bag.

When asked if he had any hard feelings about the incident and whether he was excited for the game, The Tebow replied "no comment" about the incident, then smiled and said he was indeed excited for the game. He also assured the G-Nation that they'll see a never-before-seen enthusiasm by the Gators in Jacksonville come Saturday. Watch His Timness say it hisdamnself.

In his authorized biography, "Urban's Way: Urban Meyer, the Florida Gators, and How I'd Kill My Young to Win," Meyer said that the Gators "will handle it, and it's going to be a big deal." 

Oohhh! Shiznit! That's Meyerspeak for Richty, go and get your gun! 

The Gator boys are coming, and hell is coming with them.

Video Link for UF v. Kentucky (Saturday, October 25, 2008)

• VIDEO - Post-Game Press Conference from Gainesville.com - Tim Tebow 
• VIDEO - Post-Game Press Conference from Gainesville.com - Urban Meyer
• VIDEO - Watch The Entire Game Online - YahooSports
• VIDEO - Watch A Lot of Dope Highlights from Gainesville.com
• VIDEO - Post-Game Analysis from GatorCountry
  

Gators vs. Kentucky - W, 63-5

I swear. Watching games like this is like porn for me. Only better and less messy.

The Gators annihilated the Wildcats 187-4, for the 3,000th time in a row. Seriously, look it up. It was mean, but fun, which is the best kind. Bear in mind that Kentucky has the number one defense in the SEC, or at least they did until today. The Gators put up 446 total yards against the Wildcats. That's just fucking sick. Being no. 1 in the SEC in anything is no joke, being the no.1 defense in a conference built on stout defense is deadly serious. 

Speed kills. Demps murders. Nastier than Harvin? A bold statement, agreed. But the Jota thinks so. What about being the fastest human being in football pads? Too bold? I didn't say it, the New York Times did. According to Meyer, Demps is now a "made man."

There's no arguing that Jeff Demps is, like my favorite wallet, a bad motherfucker. The guy is made of lightning.

Timmy was, uh, killing it. Back to his Messianic self. He went 11/15 for 180 yds, 2 td's and a pick. He also ran for 2 td's and 48 yds. I have to admit that I am skeptical of Timmy's throwing lately. He doesn't seem to have the timing. Except for that perfect pass to Harvin where Timbow stood in the pocket and hit Percy in stride for as pretty a touchdown pass as you'll see anywhere. Aside from that pass to Harvin, much of his passing yards come from yards after the catch. He rarely throws any deep outs, everything basically staying under 15-20 yds. His numbers don't lie though. In the end, The Timbot wins and is deceivingly efficient. So you better watch your mouth.

Moore scored. Remember him? Yeah, apparently after fumbling like a fucking fuck the senior is still alive with a TD tonight to prove it. Good for him. Moody still didn't play because he aggravated his high-ankle sprain earlier this week in practice, but he's probable for Georgia. Brantley threw his first touchdown as a Gator, a 38 yd strike to David Nelson, a 6-5 junior from Wichita, TX who, when not sitting on the bench, also drags defenders 15 yds to goal lines. The Tebow was celebrating after Brantley's pass, and earlier after a tough Brantley run. The Tebow likes. Brantley, a multi-generational Gator like yours truly, was excited and grateful for The Tebow's help.

Janoris Jenkins was injured on the first play. He was taken into the locker room and x-rayed. They were negative. Exhale. He has a bruised knee, according to the Raycom Sports commentators, which is as good as truth for me. Meyer reports that he is "very probable" for Georgia next week which is great effing news. That kid's a stud. Ask Wande Pierre-Louise, the freshman Jenkins took his job. Good job by Wande filling in today. Nice hitting. By the way, if you haven't seen it already, check out how Jenkins and others from Pahokee get so quick. They chase wabbits. It's good to have things to do.

Black was laying hat and took a pick to the crib. Will Hill, too, was knocking heads. He had one hit on Adams that was wonderfully violent. Haden and Spikes were flying all over the field laying people out. We can forget about any talk of our secondary being a weakness. The defense didn't allow a touchdown, and held a team to 10 points or fewer for the 5th time this season, which is-- like myself-- pretty gangster.

 

In sum I can't wait to go to Jacksonville and watch the Gators dance their asses off in the endzone next Saturday (go vote). Would be nice to eat a little Georgia peach too.

Catch your act on Saturday.

Go Gators.