Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Everywhere.


Seems the friendly skies got a little friendlier this week when God weighed in on who he believes is the National Champion. He then later returned to squash with Timbow... and lost. 

Go Omnipresence.
Go Gators.

The Timbow Bill

Kentucky State Senator Jack Westwood is hoping other legislators hop on the Timbow bandwagon and pass a bill that would allow the over 12k home-schooled high schoolers in Kentucky to play sports at local public schools. For those of you who don't know, Timbow was home-schooled but played high school ball for Nease Prep. 

Hoping that Timbow's popularity will help push the bill forward, the Senator has dubbed the bill the "Tim Tebow Bill."


Go Grab Coattails
Go Gators.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Walk All Over Me.


So for a $100 you can buy a brick for the Gator Walk and have up to 3 lines with 16 characters per line on it. The one pictured is actually $500, the $100 one is a regular brick. I don't know about ya'll, but I smell a fundraising event for an MGN brick. I believe that Gatorface knows how to do the Paypal. What should it read? "MGN: The Faithful 2008" "Gomer and Friends" "Your Momma's on Crack Rock"

Any thoughts?

Monday, January 26, 2009

It is done.



Sorry for my absence. I was very sick and got off to a bad start in my first week back at school so I had to catch up. I also was in a state of bliss after the game and I put off writing this for a while. I'm sorry again. Let's move forward.

It happened. It may not have happened in the way you wanted. It wasn't a blowout, it wasn't an offensive circus, the brains of the Laters weren't spilled upon home field of the Ft. Lauderdale Hurricanes, and as far as I know, every member of the Laters still has both of his testicles. But, the Okee and his minions got gotten. Deed-to-their-soul-rights-to-first-born-prima-noctes-type-gotten. All that shit-spewing, all that "we're going to show that the right man got the Heisman" hogwash, all that little dozen is better than the SEC, all that poppycock. And all they got was a little Timbow. 

Go Prove.
The Timbow was 18/30 for 231 yards and 2 touchdowns. Yes, le Timbow threw two picks, but Jesus the Christ also lost his temper against the moneychangers in the Temple and you don't hear anyone hating on the most righteous motherfucking water-into-wine-changing homey in le world, do you? Ok, except for terrorists and Democrats, everyone loves the Jesus, just like everyone loves the Timbow. Just like He did against Bama, Timbow did his best work in the fourth. Aside from the 15 yard penalty for chomping at the Laters' Nic Harris, Timbow was perfect. He never threw an incompletion and threw His trademark jump pass to David Nelson for a touchdown to seal the victory. The Timbow's combined Bama and Later stats for fourth quarter play are 11/11 for 148 yards and 2 td's, with also 45 yards of rushing for good measure. And, what's more, he's staying another year.
Go Doubt. 
Percy, Percy, Percy. I love this kid and I'm going to miss the highlight-reels out of him. He was a star. In my opinion, he was the offensive player of the game, not Timbow (have mercy on me, Timbow). Percy ran the ball nine times for 125 yards and one touchdown. For all you Gators who are not scientists, that's 13.6 yards per carry. And for all you Gator statisticians, Percy has now scored a touchdown in 15 straight games in which he's played-- no one but number one has such a streak. In the fourth quarter and on the first offensive play after the Laters scored to tie the game 14-14, Percy revved up and slammed the gas out of the backfield for a long run of 52 yards, taking the Gators deep into the Laters' territory, and setting up the go-ahead field goal. 

Go Decapitate.
As any informed Gator football fan knew, the star of this game was not going to be a player on offense, but the entire team defense. The highlights are many. First in time was Major Wright dropping Manny Johnson like an American banking stock. Good night, Susan. That Sooner got boomed. Johnson was shaken up and did not return till later. 

Go Nowhere.
The Gator D stood mighty tall against the Laters in the second quarter. The Laters were on the Gator 9 yard line, 1st and goal. Four times the Laters gave the ball to Chris Brown, their 1000+ yard running back, and four times he got gotten. 

Go Team Work.
Wright would strike again as the Gators' goal line defense worked together to stop the Laters cold. On the closing drive of the first half with the score tied 7-7, Torrey Davis hit Bradford in the backfield, disrupting the throw. Davis' hit slowed the throw long enough for Haden to jump the route and tip the ball to Ahmad Black, who then batted the ball to Major Wright, who then intercepted it. That interception was worth 7 points at least.

Go Conquer.
In the fourth quarter, Lakeland's Ahmad Black satiated his pigskin hunger-lust for the seventh time this season with what was one of the nastiest, thieving interceptions I've ever witnessed. Black jumped up and snatched the ball out of hands of Iglesias. I wasn't the only one flabbergasted, either. The Okee, with his little beady eyes wide open and mouth agape, hadn't seen such a brazen robbery since 1492.

The Gators are the 2008-2009 Bowl Championship Series National Champions. Go tell it on the motherfucking mountain. They battled back from a home loss that felt worse than a hangover on an Ibiza morning. They promised we'd never feel that way again all season, and they delivered. They are who we thought they were: Champions.

Enjoy the next year.

I will continue blogging throughout the off-season. I will cover football recruiting for obvious reasons and will post by week's end a summary of who we got and what to expect from them.  I will try my best to cover basketball, although my knowledge of the sport is inexpert. Anyone with superior knowledge is welcomed to submit text. I will also try to cover the other sports that football funds, like softball for the Jota, or badminton for the Harvard Gator. 

I am so sorry that I took so long to post, but relax, for all is well: the Gators won.

Go Champions.
Go Gators.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Sick.


I'm sick. Will post soon. 

Until then watch "The Ascent of Money" to learn about why the economy is awesome.


Thursday, January 8, 2009

Cry Havoc and Let Slip the Dogs of War


My Gator Nation, today is the day of days. Today, our Gators embark upon the most important game in Gator football history. The eyes of the world are upon those in the Orange and Blue. The hopes and prayers of the Gator Nation everywhere march into battle with them. In company with their brave teammates, they will bring about the sweet destruction of the Oklahoma football machine, the termination of the Heisman trophy winner, and lasting glory for our alma mater. 

Their task will not be an easy one. The enemy is well-trained, well-equipped and battle-hardened. They will fight savagely.

I know you're nervous. I know you may be unsure and uneasy. Do not be, for our great team is led by the greatest leader to ever play. A man who has never had a bad day on the field. A man who brought us back from the greatest loss in our history. Fear not, for He will deliver us; He will shepherd us; He will assuage our anxieties; and He will make good on His promises.

O, my beloved Gators, we are on the morn of the most important game in the most important time in Florida football history. Tonight, we dance the dance of death, so that we may sing the songs of victory. Tonight, we silence the talk and deliver a violence that would make the Armies of Hell quiver. Tonight, as the boiling blood and beading sweat co-mingle and spill upon the earth of our rival, we end their theory with the crescendo of our triumphant reality. 

It is time to cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war!

Go win a National Championship.
Go Gators.

--

I love you all. Godspeed. And remember to breathe.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Got My Vote.


Republican Congressman Cliff Stearns passed a little note to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi asking to delay the votes scheduled for Thursday, including the certification of the electoral college ballots, so that he and others can attend the BCS National Championship.

She declined, 'cause she's a cunt, which is to say, not a Gator. She shoulda done it. They do it in other countries for futbol, and aren't we now trying to be like every other country cause it's so tragically unhip to be American these days?

In either event, this Cliff guy's got my vote.

Go Prioritize.
Go Gators.



Apologize, You Fuck.



Rey Mauafuckhead dogged Erin Andrews while she wasn't looking. Kinda childish, very unprofessional, and muy disrespectful. He has since apologized, but fuck him. I hope he fails miserably in the draft, nfl, and life in general.

Love you, Erin. Please return my calls.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Some Things.



Some things. 
  • Percy says he is at 90%. Quantifying healthiness is hard. One does it when hungover, injured, or ripped. Percy's less-than-perfect health can be somewhat concerning. He has stated that cutting is awkward. Naturally, since cutting is the primary reason Percy scores with such frequency, any diminishment in that skill lessens his likelihood of success. That may be so, but the ancillary benefits of having Percy in the game more than offset any deficiency in his cutting ability. This is because Percy creates very serious matchup problems for defenses. Defensive game-planning around Percy frees up defensive attention on other players like Murphy, Thompson, Moore, Cooper, Hernandez (look for him to have a big day), Rainey, Demps, and any other member of the gaggle of playmakers on the Gators' offense. Also, remember that Percy is almost 100%-- an 80% Percy is better than most players at 100%. Percy is also playing to impress and increase his draft status, and, uh hmm, a national fucking championship-- no small incentive. Don't take it from me, take it from Percy who said on Sportscenter that the only way he is getting off the field is in a cart.

  • General Spikes is talking shit. If it was anyone else, I'd be worried. But the General delivers death and to question him is to question and court the only certainty in life-- death. Spikes basically said what everyone knows: The Little Dozen defenses are a "step slower" and all the athletes are on offense. 

  • Cornelius Ingram will dress, but not play. CI is the face of Florida Football. He will find success in the NFL as he did at Florida. Would be pretty effing dope if he did play though.


  • Charlie Strong thinks the reason he hasn't been offered a head coaching job is because he's black and/or he's married to a white woman. This is a discussion that needs more than a bullet-point to give it its proper due. But, the prevailing opinion is that he's right. With Auburn's hiring of Chizik (Gator alumnus) over the guy from Buffalo, the entire SEC and NCAA is beginning to take a much-needed closer look at the hiring practices of programs. Charlie Strong is an exceptional defensive coordinator. Whether he'd make a great head coach is to be seen, but no one can deny his qualifications. He's ready and able to lead any major program and someone should recognize that. As much as I love him at UF, I don't want him to stay because his skin color prevents him from moving up. We just elected a President who was born to a black man and white woman. This is ridiculous, embarassing, and should be brought to a swift resolution.

  • Mark Schlabach predicts the Gators will win the National Championship next year too. He predicts Timbow and Percy will return, not offering a reason why, but, fuck it, I'll take it. 

  • The 2009 FedEx BCS National Championship Game will mark the final game for the 2008 senior class. The group has won a national title, two SEC titles and two January bowl games. The group has posted an overall record of 43-9 (.827) and are 24-8 (.750) in SEC action. The class held a sterling 25-2 (.926) record in “The Swamp”. The members of the 2008 senior class are: Curtis Carr, Tate Casey, John Curtis, Jamaal Deveaux, Javier Estopinan, Andrew Fritze, Brad Hiers, Cornelius Ingram, Andrew Johnson, Bobby Kane, Kestahn Moore, Louis Murphy, Kyle Newell, Jonathan Phillips, Kyle Pratt, Butch Rowley, James Smith, Jim Tartt, Greg Taussig, Phil Trautwein and Jason Watkins.


Bet Your Ass.



Le line has moved up to 5. That's up from earlier this week when the line was 3 and later 3.5 What does that mean? Does it mean we're more likely to win? Does it mean I should get an advance on my financial aid and let it ride? Perhaps. Perhaps not.

I've been under the common misconception that the point spread represents the amount of points the oddsmaker believes the favored team will win by. With this thinking the line seems to show the Gators are more likely to win the game than the Laters. This is true, but only to an extent. 

I decided to take a break from taking a break and did some research on how all this line-making nonsense works. 

Let's start with the beginning. First the line must be made. This is done by oddsmakers. The  Las Vegas Sports Consultants (LSVC) is the oddsmaker for Sportsbook.com and other books on the interweb. Typically, there are 3-4 oddsmakers for each sport. So for college football there are 3-4 people making the lines for every game. 

Every oddsmaker ascribes a power rating to a team. For instance, let's say the Gators have a power rating of 100 (an arbitrary number). This rating is based on the team's history, statistics, inside information on player injuries, and a host of other shit any degenerate bettor would kill to have. Once each oddsmaker arrives at a team's power rating, and after doing some basic reconnaissance on the teams through reading local newspapers and coach and player interviews, the oddsmakers finally modify the spread to set the opening, or preliminary line.

Now, it's important to understand what the line is attempting to accomplish. The ultimate goal of the oddsmaker's line is to equally "divide the action". The action is the betting. In other words, the oddsmakers are attempting to attract equal betting on both sides. So if the Gators are favored by 5, then the oddsmakers believe that a 4.5 point spread is a sufficient amount of points to entice and stimulate bettors on both sides. That is, people on either side think that 5 is the breakpoint where people will bet against or for a team to win. This hedging guarantees the book a profit because of the juice they charge for each winning bet, which is generally 10%.

After the line is made, the betting begins. The line is adjusted according to the bets coming in, common sense, and intuitive inklings. For instance, the opening line favored the Gators by 1 or 1.5, I think. Barring injuries, arrests, or anything else, the line will remain unchanged by those factors. However, the Gators are presently favored by 5 points. That means that over about the last month the line has moved up 3.5 points. Why? Money, of course. The reason the line moved up is because people were betting on the Gators to win and the oddsmakers wanted to more equally divide the action to attract Laters' bettors, and therefore make more money.

One can conclude from the above-mentioned that the Gators are more likely to win the National Championship than the Laters. This is a reasonable conclusion, but bear in mind that the betting that's happening is a reflection of what team the bettors believe will be the victor, not the oddsmakers. 

In my opinion, the opening line is the most reliable measure of the oddsmakers' beliefs on who will win the game. I believe this because the preliminary spread is predicated on the oddsmakers' power ratings ascribed to each team. The power ratings are a score of what team the oddsmaker believes is better. Yes, being better doesn't necessarily mean going to win. But, it's a helluva a better metric than betting tendencies.   

This is good news for the Gators since the line opened with the Gators favored, which, it stands to reason that the Gators scored higher on the power ratings. Granted the line was minimal, but it's better than nothing. If you're curious and wanna read a bit more on this, check here to read basically what you just read in a bit more detail.

Fact is that you should bet now, because it appears the line is moving on up to the eastside, to the deluxe apartment in the sky.

BTW, the over/under is 70.5.

Go Bet.
Go Gators.


Monday, January 5, 2009

Ammunition for Arguments.


There's been some doubt as to whether the Gators are up to the challenge of handling the best offense in college history come Thursday. What follows is some stats and facts that you can use should you run into any of these doubters. 

Look to the past, it doesn't pay to consider oneself or to be considered by others better than the Gators. The last time the Florida Gators were ranked 2nd, favored, and facing a number 1, they won, covered, and in keeping with BCS logic and humor, remained at number 2. Where's the love? Where's the belief? Nowhere.  There's a saying from the hood: You know you're doing well when they're hating-- and I assure you, they are hating, verily. This is all because they can't handle the motherfucking veritas: The Gators are the best all around football team in the NCAA. 

If there's one steady truth about the Gators this season, and something which I have harped upon ceaselessly, it is that they play their best when they are not considered the best. Let's talk top-ten-ranked opponents. The Gators have faced and beaten three top ten teams, all of which were ranked ahead of the Gators at the time they played. Those teams were ranked sixth, fourth, and first (GA, LSU, BAMA, respectively). The Laters on the other hand have faced two top ten teams and lost to one. The Laters lost to Texas (5th at the time) but beat Texas Tech (2nd at the time), who, like the Gators, lost to Ole Miss. 

Dominique Franks, a Laters' cornerback, said in so many words that Timbow sucks. Moreover, he said Timbow doesn't stand up to the likes of the Okee, the Texan, and, what's worse, the Gay Sweater Guy. The Timbow laughed it off when asked about the slight, and unsurprisingly, Franks is now unavailable for comment. At least this much is clear: Franks has a lot of balls or a little bit of brains to proffer such shit. Clearly this guy doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about, but soon, he will. It seems the only way to shush this boy's mouth is with a little Tebow-- and what you don't want is a little Tebow, right Harvard Gator?

Something one surely doesn't want is a more-motivated Timbow. I have mentioned it countless times: The Timbow plays best when doubted most. Ask Geno Hayes and how talking shit about Timbow worked out for him and his team. Hayes unavailable for comment? Try Ricky Jean-Francois, ask that fat bastard how mouthing off 'bout the Timbow effectively motivated the already-inexplicably-most-motivated-240-pounder- in-college-sports to summarily fist-fuck the Tigers in front of 90K+ people.

It borders on hilarity when a defensive back from the most God-awful pass defense conference questions the greatness of the greatest college player in history. The Little Dozen's defenses are, in a word, atrocious. The only Little Dozen team whose pass defense is not in the bottom 30 nationally is Colorado at no. 74. The next best is Nebraska at No. 90. Awesome. Sounds like firm ground from which to talk shit. The remaining stifling defensive teams are: Texas Tech 91, Texas A&M 93, Oklahoma 98, Baylor 102, Kansas State 105, Texas 109, Oklahoma State 110, Kansas 113, Iowa State 115 and Missouri 117. 

The Florida Gators pass defense (ranked 16) has allowed only 10 passing touchdowns all year and have held opponents to an average of 174 yards per game. The Laters' pass defense (ranked 98, compare with FIU ranked 67) have allowed 20 passing touchdowns and have allowed opponents to rack up 253 yards per game. 

Not convincing enough? Let's talk interceptions. The Gators are 2nd in the NCAA with 24 of those fuckers. That's more than every team but Boston College (26). And that's seven more than the Laters. Doesn't sound like a big difference? How about that in the Little Dozen they throw the ball 3000 times more than the SEC? Intercepting the ball more often when given fewer opportunities is the definition of efficient and effective pass defense.

And then there's the argument that SEC quarterbacks cannot throw the ball as well as the Little Dozen, and so therefore the teams run more than they throw. Quizas. Then let's look at the running defenses. On paper the Gators and Laters are evenly matched against the run. The Gators' rush defense is ranked 14th and the Laters are ranked 15th. The Gators allow an average of 105.3 yards per game and the Laters average 106. Both teams have had basically the same amount of carries against, the Gators with 411 and the Laters with 425. The average per carry is the same too, with the Gators' opponents averaging 3.33 and the Laters averaging 3.24. Looking at these stats one could reasonably conclude that the matchup is even and should cancel each other out. But one would be a foolish fuck fool for thinking such malarky.

Why? Touchdowns. You know, those 6-point things that the Gators always score? Right, those. Well, the Laters allowed 18 of those things on the ground this season. That's a fucking lot of rushing touchdowns, especially when added to the 20 passing td's scored by Later opponents. As I've mentioned before, I'm no Gator Scientist, but that's something like 38 touchdowns allowed. The Gators' touchdown total against the run? 9. Nine. Nine times (what movie?). Nine times the Gators have fucked up and allowed someone to run the rock into the endzone. That's half the amount of touchdowns than that of the Laters in rushing and passing. I want half

So, half as much equals twice as good, right? I think so. 

Also, enough with the Laters' offensive line lovefest. I've had it with this nonsense. Yes, they are good, maybe great. But they block children, not grown men from the South. Granted, the Laters have allowed only 11 sacks all season. Impressive, but not by much. The Gators have allowed only 16, so the difference is somewhat negligible. The size of the Laters' big uglies have also been flouted as superior to that of the Gators' previous opponents. The Laters' line weighs an average of 310 pounds. Big, but not unseen. Bama's offensive line averages 307 pounds and from what I've seen, is more physical. The Gators held the run-happy tide to 136 yards rushing. Also remember the Laters will be without their 2nd leading rusher, DeMarco Murray. Murray was also the Laters' breakout threat. Now with him gone the Laters will be more predictable running the ball as they'll have to do so in between the tackles. Unless, of course, they dare to test the outside speed of the Gators' outside backers. 

Let me close with this: The Laters have faced one top 50 defense in the country this season-- Texas, who were ranked 50th. And they lost to them. The Gators have faced 10 top 40 defenses and beaten them all. Moreover, the Gators are one of five SEC teams ranked in the top 15 in total defense, and note that 11 of 12 SEC schools are in the nation's top 50 defenses. 

Go Argue.
Go Gators.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Welcome Aboard.



We got Andre DeBose. Holleratchaboy. He committed on ESPN during the Under Armour High School All-American Game. 

Debose can run a 100 meter dash in 10.68 seconds and a 40 yard dash in 4.37. I'm not a Gator Scientist, but I reckon that's pretty fucking fast. With the acquisition of Debose, and Pahokeean Nu'Keese Richardson, Florida has demonstrated its resolve to recruit the fastest players in the country.

Debose caught the game-winning touchdown for the Sanford Seminoles in their victory over Miami-Northwestern in the State Championship. You can read and watch a great recap of the game here. In the second quarter of the UA All-American game, Debose caught a pass and outran South Carolina safety commit Stephon Gilmore for  a 92-yard touchdown, the longest play of the game. 

Debose announced his commitment to the Gators after teammates Ray Ray Armstrong and Dyron Dye announced their own to the Ft. Lauderdale Hurricanes. When asked what school he would attend, Debose answered, "I'd love to go play with my boys, but I gotta be a Florida Gator."

Rivals.com rates Debose as a 5-star recruit and as the 2nd overall athlete for the class of 2009. Debose cited the probability of his early inclusion in the Gator offense as a considerable factor in picking Florida. Smart kid. He'll definitely find a place quickly with the certain departure of Louis Murphy and likely departure of Percy Harvin from the receiver corps. He's an athlete and will probably be first seen on special teams returning punts and kicks. But he won't remain there long, this kid plays to win.

Aside from being fanfuckingtastic in and of itself, Debose's commitment may have also persuaded the recently de-committed athlete Greg Reid to return to the Gators. Greg Reid had two interceptions and was the MVP in the UA All-American Game. According to Ray Fitzgerald,  Reid was really waiting to see what school Debose chose before he did anything else. 

Debose, though committed, still plans to visit Miami and USC. If he stays, woohoo! If he leaves, fuck him. So it goes.

The Gators also picked up 4-star recruit Jon Bostic, rated the 4th best inside linebacker and 68th overall. Bostic committed during the Army All-American Bowl. With Spikes leaving, Bostic could compete for playing time very soon. He'll be in Gainesville by next week to start school. Watch some of Bostic's greatest works here

Xavier Nixon also committed to the Gators on Saturday. Nixon, from North Carolina, is 6-6 and 263 lbs, and an honors student. Nixon is the 3rd best offensive lineman and the 40th overall recruit for the class of 2009. He will likely play within his first or second year as the Gators may lose several offensive lineman after this season. See this big fucker in action here.